Heidi Porn

August 13, 2009 10:10:00 Posted at August 13, 2009 10:10:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

I don’t like writing about these two twats but today it must be done.

Because you are still watching The Hills. And it needs to stop.

As you probably know, Heidi Montag Pratt covers this month’s issue of Playboy posing with dirt smeared all over her and her mouth open like she’s ready to receive Spencer’s douche dick communion at a moment’s notice.

Spencer actually interviewed Heidi for the article. And of course they talked about sex with each other. So much honesty, can you imagine? To her husband’s face, Heidi claims that he’s capable of giving her 20 to 30 orgasms a day.

“You know, I was never very sexual before I met you, Spencer. I knew what sex was, but when I met you I entered into a whole new realm of understanding, from fantasy to love. Or to experience a day with 20 or 30 orgasms. Before you, sex was just something that happened. Now it's something I look forward to every minute of the day."

Yes. A woman’s nipples get hard when her lady business is open and ready. Jackhammer styles is the best sex. It is actually possible to masturbate and get off with inch long gel nails. And we’re not enjoying it unless we’re screeching so loud the entire block can hear. Also, 2 dozen orgasms is totally realistic and if she’s not having one, she must be frigid.

F-cking idiot.

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