Jen: Tears & Yoga

December 20, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at December 20, 2006 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey
New cover of Us Weekly – the last one before Christmas, just in time to take advantage of our charitable hearts…’tis the season of giving and of giving back to those less fortunate: Brad’s Joy, Jen’s Pain…with details of Aniston’s ongoing suffering, how the recent Pitt publicity train is “killing her”, how she uses yoga to get through. Apparently she cries through the poses, channeling all her grief outwards, healing her heart and soul in the process, which is actually how it’s supposed to work: Jen is excelling at yoga therapy. Kinda reminds me of Fiona. Do you remember Fiona? Have you seen About a Boy? Brilliant movie starring Hugh Grant and Toni Collette and Toni plays this emotional wreck who attempts suicide right off the top and spends the rest of the film in a loopy, vegan, empowerment-chanting haze accessorized by bad jewelry and even worse clothing, hilariously described by Hugh at one point as a “yeti costume”. Now if you’re anything like me, when you weren’t laughing your arse off at Hugh Grant, you were rolling your eyes at Toni’s Fiona. Because she was pathetic. Because she was weak. Because I’m an insensitive bitch who isn’t down with hemp and lotus on the mountain living and burning candles and chanting. OR maybe it’s just me. Maybe y’all disagree. Maybe weeping during downface dog is a good thing. But the way I see it, the latest cry for help looks BAD either way you slice it. Two angles: First – Janice Min and Us Weekly have it in for her hardcore. They’ve called her a liar, they’ve called her publicist a liar, they’ve called her manipulative, and now they’re writing her up as a wounded pet suffering bitterly in silence, having pushed away the men around her with her drama and her self-cultivated love/hate relationship with the press. Problem is the article is written with almost zero sympathy, as if to say – suck it up honey, enough already. Not exactly the image you want out there for someone who says she’d rather not be a “victim”. Or does she? The second explanation is that sources from her circle have been told to leak details to the magazine. Not happy with the Pitts’ headline domination last week, on the heels of Jolie’s Vogue release, and People’s Family Photo Album, including the Chosen One’s perfect face, Jen and Huvane gave the go ahead to her friends to speak on her behalf, inciting the MiniVan Majority to rise up in her defense: Jen needs us! Jen’s hurting! Boycott the Good Shepherd! Watch Fox News! If this is the case however, if this story really was engineered from her camp, it is yet another misstep in the wrong direction, another folly in what has been an atrocious Media Plan from start to finish. Because it looks as though her endless Pity Party is grating on everyone’s last nerve…. Sigh. Poor Jen. Again. Us Weekly
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