If Gwyneth ranked her friends

May 23, 2012 16:08:33 Posted at May 23, 2012 16:08:33
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Photos:
Wenn, WeirPhotos/Splash

Gwyneth couldn’t hold Cameron Diaz’s hand last night for too long because she had to hang out with former President Bill Clinton at the Clinton Foundation Millennium Network in London. She wore a f-cking AMAZING white brocade-ish (can we call it that? or is it more like lace overlay?) situation over white tuxedo pants. It’s perfect. And I love that cuff. And I’m sorry there’s no shot of her shoe game.

In other Gwyneth news, Us Weekly is reporting that her business partner and good friend Tracy Anderson gave birth to a baby girl on Monday. They called her Penelope. You’ll recall, Tracy trained Madonna and G together. Then for some reason Tracy and Madonna broke up. And G and Tracy were super tight, going into business together.

When Beyonce’s B.I.C. arrived, remember how Gwyneth was quick to tweet about her name? At press time, G has yet to mention anything about Tracy’s baby or name (Penelope). And while she sent Tracy a $500 high chair as a shower gift in March, G was a no-show to the actual event. Do you think G would have been a no-show to Beyonce’s baby shower?

Please.

We may need to add this as a lecture series at the Faculty of Celebrity Studies: Celebrity Friend Rankings.

In gossip columnist Shinan Govani’s novel, Boldface Names, obviously based on his own experiences, his protagonist Ravi uses a party invitation ranking system to categorise all his engagements. I can’t remember exactly how it works but let’s say that there’s a colour system: white tags for super exclusive high end events, blue for the ones that might earn a fly-by towards the end of the night, pink for the ones he’ll only consider if he’s desperate for something to do that night, and a pile in the trash for no-chance, no-way engagements he’ll never even think about.

Let’s say you’re Gwyneth Paltrow then and, well, she’s friends with everyone. In her mind, does she secretly colour-code her friends according to importance the same way Ravi might compartmentalise his invitations?

Beyonce, Cameron, Stella - Top Shelf, will always text back, will always make time

People From Glee - drinks only, never a whole night

Tracy Anderson - can wait a few days, and only if everyone else is busy

The trick though, and Gwyneth must be crazy good at this, is to make everyone feel like they’re Top Shelf, even though few are. Perhaps her greatest talent.

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