Intro for February 28, 2013

February 28, 2013 15:26:56 Posted at February 28, 2013 15:26:56
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Dear Gossips,

Have you ever seen Mariah Carey being interviewed? It’s not like she has a problem getting the words out of her mouth. YouTube Mimi on HSN right now selling butterflies and talking about the torture of having to carry two babies. She doesn’t stumble, she doesn’t bumble, she is unstoppable. What I’ve learned watching her on American Idol though…? Mimi can’t speak if the subject isn’t Mimi. It’s like English has completely escaped her. Mimi is physically incapable of anything but self-expression. Mimi cannot communicate if she has to communicate about anyone else. What would it sound like, a conversation between Mimi and James Franco? Can you imagine?

Now that I’m home from the Oscars, I’m slowly getting caught up on reading the Internet. That includes Deadline’s Nikki Finke’s Oscars liveblog. That sh-tty Bond tribute, you remember? On Twitter I called it a YouTube supercut only maybe not even as good. The reason? Apparently they originally wanted several Bonds to attend but Sean Connery and Pierce Brosnan both hate the Broccolis and it would have been too obvious if they’d only had Roger Moore and Daniel Craig there. Also the Academy hates Steven Spielberg. And Channing Tatum danced with Charlize Theron over the objections of his management. See? This is the world they belong to, celebrities. It’s perpetual high school. And, curiously enough, the prom king hasn’t been seen with his kids since Sunday. Coincidence or conspiracy? Maybe he’ll emerge on the weekend out of obligation, just so it won’t seem so obvious.

Yours in gossip,

Lainey

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