Intro for March 12, 2014

March 12, 2014 13:05:45 Posted at March 12, 2014 13:05:45
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Dear Gossips,

I’m wearing earrings today. Little studs my ma, the Chinese Squawking Chicken, shoved at me at her birthday party on Saturday. Not a gift though. It’s a fortune telling/feng shui good luck thing. Because I don’t normally do accessories. Just a gold chain I never take off around my neck with a rooster pendant hanging from it, also for fortune telling/feng shui. At the Oscars I didn’t wear earrings and my hair was up. Ma watched the red carpet show and wouldn’t get off my ass about how there was nothing to “catch” my luck from falling down.

Earrings plug the holes. They catch the “missed opportunities”. But I forgot to wear the earrings on The Social on Monday and Tuesday. And she was all over me about it last night on the phone. Twenty minutes I had to listen to her bitch at me about how I was wasting so much luck by not wearing earrings. Today I am wearing earrings.

I’m 40 years old and she’s just telling me this now?

“I can’t give you everything all at once,” she said. “Too much too soon is never good.” See? Justin Bieber needs to be Squawking Chickened.

There’s your lesson for the day – if your ears are pierced, wear earrings so your luck doesn’t slip away.

By the way, there’s an entire chapter about fortune telling and feng shui in my book, Listen To The Squawking Chicken. It’s the longest chapter of 10 chapters. Did I mention my book baby comes out in Canada on April 1 (click here to pre-order) and April 22 in the United States (click here and/or click here to pre-order)? My book baby just came off the printer last week. I will totally belly-cup it for you and post the photo.

Yours in gossip,

Lainey

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