Intro for March 25, 2013
Well, I guess we’re stuck with Gerard Butler for a while longer. Because Olympus Has Fallen managed an opening weekend of $30 million. Is it the Die Hard formula? Is it the revenge porn? Is it ... North Korea Sucks porn? A foreign-faced enemy is magic at the box office and Hollywood seems to thrive whenever there’s an unhinged foreign leader making headlines. Someone needs to green-light Hot Shots Part Trois with Charlie Sheen operating a drone on remote control targeting Dennis Rodman’s new BFF while he’s doing the Harlem shake during morning calisthenics.
Admission, starring Tina Fey and Paul Rudd, received similarly sh-tty reviews...and earned under $7 million. Sure, its theatre count was only two thirds that of Olympus, but the math still doesn’t hold up there, unless I’ve completely forgotten how fractions work. (And that’s very possible.) So if you show up at the multiplex and your only new opening choices are Tina Fey + Paul Rudd in a bad comedy or Gerard Butler in a bad action, do you choose Gerard Butler in a bad action? On Saturday night, I chose King’s Landing. The first four episodes of Season 3 Game Of Thrones -- do you hate me?
Don’t hate me. Just ... be ready. For Winter comes in 6 days. With Dragons. When I go to sleep, I want to be the Khaleesi. God she is so f-cking badass I can’t wait until someone memes the sh-t out of that scene. March 31! On HBO Canada and HBO! It’s one of the few times you’ll find yourself saying “I can’t wait until Sunday night”.
Yours in gossip,