Chicken Fried Babies having Chicken Fried Babies

December 19, 2007 12:42:37 Posted at December 19, 2007 12:42:37
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Chicken Fried fertility runs in the family.

So about Jamie Lynn Spears getting knocked up – information leaking fast and furiously…here’s a quick point form summary before analysis:

- she sold her story to OK Magazine with an exclusive interview on her pregnancy and a photo deal when the baby is born, purported to be worth $1 million
- Britney did not know about the pregnancy beforehand, you found out when she found out.
- KFed DID supposedly know about it before his ex wife, being that he uses mother Lynne as a babysitter and is on better terms with the Spears
- Jamie Lynn is “officially” 12 weeks along but rumour has it, she’s probably closer to 18 or 19 weeks and set to deliver in the Spring.
- The father is some dude called Casey who is around 18 or 19, photo attached.

Jamie Lynne said she was scared and kept the secret from her friends and family, including her parents, until very recently. She also explains that she’s doing it for herself…that this is a decision that is right for her. And resourcefully speaking, the Spears family certainly does have the means to provide for a child…absolutely. The only problem is Chicken Fried is a Spears family inheritance. Clearly neither daughter has been able to escape the grease – can you imagine how they’ll be raised?

Said Lynne Spears:

“I didn’t believe (when she told me she was pregnant) because Jamie Lynn’s always been so conscientious. She’s never late for her curfew. I was in shock. I mean, this is my 16-year-old baby.”

Give me a f&cking break you were shocked. The child has been dating a boy 3 years her senior and allegedly had been dating him for THREE YEARS! So at the age of 13 little Jamie Lynn was seriously seeing a boy urging to have sex.

The only surprise is that it took her this long to get pregnant.

And Lynne is shocked? My Chinese ass she’s shocked. What she should be is guilty. This is the problem with child stardom. This is why child stars almost always end up f&cked up. And in Jamie Lynne’s case, given her family history of depression and post partum, can you imagine what next?

Give it 10 months and it’ll be JL getting out of a car with Hollywood Ebola Paris Hilton displaying a shaved cooch and moaning that tired ass excuse “I’ve worked so hard my whole life…it’s time for me to play! I just need to experience going out with my friends and having fun.”

The best though has to be the FOR SALE sign slapped on to every Spears vagina. Literally. After setting such a responsible example, Jamie Lynn Spears and Lynne Spears decide to exploit the situation on the cover of a tabloid, wrenching the smutty spotlight from her Chicken Fried sibling and placing it firmly on her own belly – the growth of which is now guaranteed to be well documented in the three or four months leading up to delivery.

Brilliant, non?

Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant famewhoring. And brilliant, brilliant, brilliant trailblazing too. Because unfortunately there are Chicken Fried wannabes – too many of them – polluting our embattled earth. They are the same people who take their daughters to wait outside Paris Hilton’s house for a photo, the same ones who enrol their kids in singing and dancing classes with the express purpose of making them the next Britney Spears, the same ones watching today and understanding that even teen pregnancy has a price, and a reward – the cover of a magazine.

Can a six year old really distinguish between wanting a cookie and wanting to be like Hannah Montana? Really? Or is it mommy and daddy who want to be like Hannah Montana? Now thanks to them…

Chicken Fried is forever.


Photos from Splash

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