From Janet G: Jen got shafted

January 11, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at January 11, 2006 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey
OK, we’ve pounded this thing to death. So when I got this email today from Janet, I thought I’d throw it on the site with my reply so that I can put this thing to bed once and for all. Here are my thoughts. And unless Angelina and Brad admit to hating Chinese people and dogs, I’m sticking with it. Janet wrote: Gawd. Imagine your husband leaving you for another woman. Right now. Today. And then every show in town reporting that the E correspondent"s husband left her. She"s v famous, so they"re splashed all over the news, in your face. Everyone in your hometown knows about it. They"re all watching you. Then the other woman, who is sexy and smart and altruistic and loved by everyone in town, is PREGNANT. And you can"t even call her a skanky man stealing bitch. Let"s see how well you take it. Let"s start a site bashing you and how you go to your friends for comfort. Jennifer Aniston got totally butt f-cked. And Angelina comes out unscathed. My reply to Janet: Janet’s description of the events isn’t uncommon. But I personally don"t apply real world morality or sentiment to the lives of the rich and famous. What’s acceptable by OUR standards, for us non celebrities, is one thing. What really goes down in THEIR world is an alternate reality. So here"s how I would break down the situation: You"re a popular television actress who is as materialistic and as vain as the rest of them, who relies on alternative dieting methods to get the perfect body. You marry the Sexiest Man Alive. You promise to have children with him. You push back over and over again, until the end of the run of your sitcom. And then your over-ambitious, deluded ego drives you to sign on to over 7 movies in the space of 2 years, making it plainly obvious that Oscar is the real baby you covet. You also won"t give up the good stuff, in copious amounts. And you claim you had no idea anything was wrong with the marriage? You claim he cheated??? If that"s the case, why would you be photographed cuddling and canoodling with him on the beaches of the Caribbean the day that your separation was announced to the world? If he really strayed, why would your best friend accompany you on such a trip? Would any true girlfriend support such an endeavour? Not in the real world. But in Hollywood...absolutely. Because there is more PR wrangling and set up behind this thing than any one of us can imagine. And there was something more behind the split than a bodacious woman with great tits and big lips. I don"t buy the Vanity Fair article, I don"t buy the pages and pages of speculation that has already been written about his infidelity and Angelina"s homewrecking endeavour. What I DO buy is that Ms. Aniston isn"t the innocent cry baby she wants you to believe she is. What I DO buy is that all 3 of them have sold their souls to the Fame Devil and will eventually pay the appropriate price for it some day. Butt-f-cked?? Please. She lives in Los Angeles. You don"t think she asked for it??? I"ll reserve my pity for people who really deserve it. And let me tell you, celebrities are not at the top of my list. But while I don’t pity Jennifer, I do have some words of encouragement for her. Dear Jen: Coming in 3rd place ain’t so bad, is it? After all, you just won a bronze medal! Do you know how many people would kill for a bronze medal? To be a mere mortal and, for a short time, to have basked in the glow of an earthly Adonis? Hey, I’m not Greek and even I can appreciate that. Chin up, girl. Zeus has spoken, the God goes with the Goddess and the homely girl goes with the pudgy funny guy. The Force is in balance once again.
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