Jen's race to the altar

August 13, 2012 16:11:16 Posted at August 13, 2012 16:11:16
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Photos:
Fame/Flynet

It's not just that we won't release them all from the Eternal Triangle, it's that they themselves can't get over it either. On the weekend that Brange was rumoured to marry in France - didn't happen - Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux announced their engagement.

Coincidence or conspiracy?

Timing, of course, as is the case, always, with Jen vs Brad and Angelina, is paramount. They did not release their statement on Friday, when it would have been buried by the Olympics. They did not release it on Tuesday after the weekly magazines close their new issues. They chose to wait until Brange made it through the weekend without a wedding, and almost right after the flames were extinguished in the London cauldron, and sent PEOPLE a confirmation statement, ensuring that, post-Games, their story would dominate all headlines. It was the lead-off story on most sites and most morning news shows last night and this morning.

Coincidence or conspiracy?

And how will Brange answer? Those French gossips are still insisting it'll now be this coming Saturday August 18th. Whatever. With nothing really to promote right now, I wonder if it might be a wasted opportunity. And besides, strategically, if we're talking war terms, it'd be best to wait out when Jen's date will be...if they really want to f-ck her up.

But let's further analyse Jen's latest move. As already discussed, the timing was deliberately managed and the announcement itself carefully constructed. You'll note, the statement released to PEOPLE came from Justin's rep, and not hers:

"Justin Theroux had an amazing birthday on Friday, receiving an extraordinary gift when his girlfriend, Jennifer Aniston, accepted his proposal of marriage."

Gush!

But of course he should be the one to release it - he was the one who proposed! Sure. But it's not like the MiniVan Majority wouldn't jerk off over the old fashioned-ness of it either. Like the opening of car doors. The man took control. The man made her dreams come true. The man feels so grateful that she said Yes! It's traditional romance, it's the irresistible life goal, in 25 words perfect words or less. He said what we are all conditioned to want to hear:

She is amazing and extraordinary.

But...when you tell the world, as we've seen from the example of Kristen Stewart, so publicly it's an invitation to participate in what's supposed to be a private development, and it's also giving us permission to know more. Which has always been a cornerstone of the Aniston gameplan. She's not even pretending anymore.

Whose approach do you prefer?

Brange is all like, oh we're just living our lives, we don't court the attention and yes, we're engaged and look at the ring while I'm at an art gallery but we'll let our jeweller (Robert Procop) let the secret out first before, seemingly grudgingly, releasing a statement.

I suppose you could argue that Jen's was the more straightforward approach. Perhaps because she's finally found herself a partner who's down. As we've observed often this year in the era of Jen and Justin, in him she's finally found a partner who is willing and able to engage in battle. Justin wants to play the game just as much as she does.

So no, she's not over it. She will never be over it. All three, now four, of them will always be into it. The Triangle has become a Square. The Square is Good for Gossip.