The Renaissance of Jennifer Aniston

April 1, 2010 08:10:00 Posted at April 1, 2010 08:10:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

"The last five years have been about spring cleaning for me. Now it's time for my rebirth. I love trying new things. I can't just be put in a box."

So declared Jennifer Aniston in the new issue of UK Harper’s Bazaar. It took her 5 years to eradicate the leftover sh-t from the split, now she claims she’s ready for a new game, a new set of moves, and new catch-words, like “rebirth” and “Kool-Aid”, spewing new clichés like “living in the now”, waving her girl power loud and proud. Because girls are power, rah rah rah.

“I grew up admiring strong women like journalist Barbara Walters and super-agent Sue Mengers, who represented Ali McGraw. But now look where we've got to as women. We've had a woman run for President. There is nothing like our power. I love what Drew Barrymore is doing with directing. It's so much about a rebirth for her, and I love it when people are living in the now, like her. I hate it when people look back and regret what they haven't got. That's how I feel about my own life now. And my God, let's talk about how much I love Demi Moore as well. What kind of Kool-Aid is she drinking?"

I have said this about Aniston and I’ll say it again – listening to her talk is like one of those Chicken Soup books. We KNOW. You love yourself. But do you really?

Let’s say for a moment that I’m buying it. Let’s say that her “renaissance” is authentic. That her attempt to convey that she truly wants to advance the Modern Woman is believable. That when she said that "with Derailed, I loved being racy. Love it...But people couldn't cope with me being involved in rape and murder” she was declaring that she will live against stereotype and portray the kind of complicated, uncompromising female that she believes she represents...

How then do you explain Love Happens? Or He’s Just Not That Into You? Or The F-CKING Bounty Hunter? All in quick succession?

Because Jennifer Aniston is not poor. She doesn’t NEED money. She doesn’t NEED to work. And with that kind of security comes freedom. And, you would think, the ability to be patient. To wait for the kind of projects that she can be proud of, the kind of project that can manifest the “empowerment” that she fist pumps about every time she opens her mouth. This woman has ONE product. Her prior success has given her the ability to control this product, to make sure that what she’s selling reflects her message.

Instead, what we see from Jennifer Aniston, every 6-9 months or so, is yet another feature film in which she’s lit beautifully, and during which she spends almost 2 hours playing The Same: romance defines me, and this is all there is.

It’s comical. But even more, it’s offensive that They are actually swallowing it. Because it’s one thing for her to TRY to fraud them out, it’s entirely another that the fraud is working.

No one is hoping against The Renaissance of Jennifer Aniston, certainly not me. I would very much like to write an article about Jennifer Aniston in which I can eat my own sh-t and get behind her flag. But I can't find that flag in The Bounty Hunter. I can’t find that flag at all in her work. There is no Renaissance in a really great body and the best highlights in the business. And she won’t be launching any true Renaissance if people keep sucking down the fake one.


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