It’s SALT Week & Jennifer Aniston is topless

July 19, 2010 07:22:21 Posted at July 19, 2010 07:22:21
Lainey Posted by Lainey

You know my favourite question:

Coincidence or conspiracy???

As reported a few weeks ago, Jennifer Aniston is getting into the fragrance business. Her first release will smell like a combination of the ocean and her tears, unimaginatively called LOLAVIE. Because these days, Lola hasn’t been overkilled at all. Is this the way to popularity these days? By being utterly unoriginal?

Anyway, the official launch of LOLAVIE will happen this Wednesday at Harrods in London. In support of the big event, a new series of photos featuring Aniston nude from the waist up have now appeared online courtesy the UK Daily Mail. She is showing off her sick body, she is showing off her legendary hair, she looks gorgeous, healthy, and model thin.

Also... SALT opens this week.

What?

Completely unrelated, right?

Please.

Nothing is ever unrelated. And it’s probably totally unrelated that LOLAVIE was originally supposed to launch in June but, oh of course, due to mystery scheduling conflicts, ended up getting pushed to July, conveniently the same week that the Jolie is pushing out her new theatrical release SALT. Can you smell it? Does it smell desperate?

I did nothing this weekend but keep my ass on my couch, close to a washroom. After a while, you run out of things to watch. And The Bounty Hunter came on. The Bounty Hunter gave Jennifer Aniston one of her all-time lows, an impressive 8% approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes, an even better 4% when counting only Top Critics. Oh and they weren’t lying.

It makes you angry. And it’s shocking how someone could have received a script like that and said to herself – this seems like something I should do, this feels like a good idea.

HOW?

More than anything, The Bounty Hunter defines her work, the spirit of her work, the quality of her work: Substandard DUMB sh-t, THAT is her product. And still she’s held up as some kind of inspiration for what women should be. Really? Because when you strip it down, I can’t find a difference between Jennifer Aniston and Jessica Simpson, except that Jessica’s stupidity is actually endearing.

Previous Article Next Article