I do. I feel badly being unkind to someone whose image is so sweet. Jennifer Garner has dimples, Jennifer Garner has the cutest baby, she is the cutest mom, she didn’t starve her body back, she changed Ben’s life, so what if she ruined Michael Vartan’s?
Point is, overall, Jennifer Garner, by virtue of being taupe, is extremely inoffensive. Which is why she should stick to taupe. Because when she strays from it, the results are disastrous.
Last night, the GQ event, trying to vamp it up in a super short little purple dress, arms popping, jaw popping, cheekbones popping…total Miss Fitness, like those women who compete in workout competitions, where you keep thinking you just spotted a penis during a cartwheel. You ever watched them on ESPN? It’s weird, I’m strangely fascinated by those shows, drawn in by how repulsive they are, and then I end up critiquing their routines anyway – like figure skating except it’s on a mat performed by trannies.
Sorry, I digress.
Jennifer Garner – she’s fit, she’s healthy, but also borderline Herm, you know what I mean? Suggest sticking to pink frills and soft, long, flowy gowns.
Taupe might be boring, taupe ain’t no Lopez…but Taupe Trumps Tranny every single day, savvy?