Jennifer Lopez schools Eva Longoria

May 7, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at May 7, 2006 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey
In the immortal words of my former eTalk producer and close friend Duana... SIT DOWN Eva Longoria. The term SIT DOWN - with much emphasis on the DOWN - refers to someone whose famewhoring is spinning wildly out of control, so much so that they speak at inappropriate times, they shove themselves in front of the camera at inappropriate moments, and like Teri Hatcher who originally inspired the expression during the Golden Globes in January, should really just "SIT DOWN and SHUT THE F*C K UP." So Eva Longoria hosted the NCLR ALMA Awards tonight honouring Latino artists in entertainment. As you would expect, Ms. Longoria tried very very hard to own the carpet, showing up in a flashy silver number that bound her breasts, illustrating an almost endearing, SJP-ish attempt to be more than she really is. Unfortunately for Eva, the dress was bunk. Because if you take a close look, it actually makes her look like she has - gasp! - unsightly lumps. Now we all know Eva Longoria has nothing jiggly so can you imagine how deeply criminal it is to wear something that creates jiggle where there was none to begin with. Oh the horror. The real star of the evening? Who else could it be??? In the shadow Mrs Anthony - resplendent and curvalicious in white - Eva Longoria is but a big toothed little minion. I mean, look at La Lopez! Gorgeous hair tumbling down her back - I love when she wears it straight and parted in the middle- beautiful makeup, glowing, gracious, all smiles…when Jennifer is ON, there really is no one else worth looking at. Which is why, for once, I"m not going to rag on her bloodsucking Vampire. She looks happy, he"s remained faithful, and the ex wife is now making a pretty penny schilling for McDonalds and pursuing an on/off relationship with the hot piece of sex known as Terrence Howard. So. Is 3 times the charm for Jennifer Lopez? Will you hate me if I say I really hope so???
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