She was honoured last week for I don’t remember what and her vampire took out a full page ad in Variety congratulating her and loving her out in the open, something about being thrilled to wake up to her every morning. Sweet, yes. But also frightening. Much as I’ve softened toward him of late, I really don’t need to visualise his sunken cheekbones and his scrawny little body mounting her every night, you know what I mean?
Anyway, here they are at the event looking blissful and content. It’s not the most flattering dress but who the hell cares. She’s gorgeous. And she radiates happiness. And it’s infectious. And look at those tan lines! I love tan lines! Why are people so offended by tan lines? To me, tan lines say the following:
1. I went on vacation and you didn’t, so kiss my ass
2. I went on vacation and no one got a free glimpse of my nubbies, so kiss my ass
It’s all good right?
Besides, when it comes to J.Lo we have bigger problems to worry about. Because it looks like our glowing girl is becoming BFFs with Leah Remini. Leah Remini the Scientologist. So if I were Marc, I’d be careful. Once upon a time, Katie Holmes was a Catholic too.
Think about it. In addition to being a gay haven, the “Church” can provide much needed solutions to some of Hollywood’s stickiest problems and I wonder if Jennifer’s current state of mind and lack of child will put her on a desperate mission to do whatever it takes.
Sounds dramatique, I know, but they don’t call it a cult for nothing. And doesn’t every cult have a recruitment strategy? And isn’t she starring with Travolta in the Dallas remake?
Pray Goddess her Puerto Rican toughness can withstand the lure. I don’t know if I could ever handle seeing Jennifer Lopez walk with the freaks.
Photos from Saving Face