Jessica Alba: a real bitch never learns

August 17, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at August 17, 2006 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Wishful thinking I suppose but not even a lightning bolt can tame the terror that is Jessica Alba. And she continues to rage across my great country, unable to suppress the insurmountable C-bomb forever housed inside her perfect physique. If there were anyone deserving of that word…it is most DEFINITELY the Alba bitch. Thanks to Joanna for the heads up about a report delivered on Edmonton radio this morning of Jessica still on her baddest behaviour, still a skank ass diva with the worst manners in Hollywood, and for some reason, especially when she"s shopping. WTF??? Apparently Alba went shoe shopping with an assistant, rude and demanding per usual. Also refused to be spoken to or suffer the indignity of actually replying to anyone. The assistant communicated for her EXCEPT when it came to actually trying on merchandise. Because the Alba Bitch does not pass up an opportunity to make someone feel small. So she picks out what she wants to take a closer look at, she sits down regally, and she says to the clerk: "Now you can take my boots off." I"ll let you absorb that for a few seconds. Next. Just heard about an excessively overboard security incident just outside the Hotel Macdonald where she was staying, all observed by people waiting for a bus across the street. Jessica, her man, her double, and her security guard are heading inside when one lone pappy comes out to see if he can snap a shot. He"s not rushing her, he"s not up in her face, he"s just trying to get a photo, the same photos that her fans get to look at and enjoy the world over. Unfortunately for the poor pappy, Jessica"s security man pushes the camera out of the way and throws him into a choke hold. After the concierge took the camera, the security man finally let go, and the two started arguing. The police had to be called, reports were filed, and oh - Alba actually didn"t bother to wait around anyway. She f*cked off while the photographer was getting manhandled. Right. So other stars, bigger stars like Britney and Lohan and Posh, they"re followed around by villages of pappies jostling for photos, every minute of their lives, but Jessica Alba, Jessica Alba, B+ list at best, can"t handle one dude wanting to take her picture? Because she"s made a living off of legitimate talent? Because she"s not who she is for what she looks like??? Because she didn"t become a celebrity by virtue of her body and her breasts and the way her bottom fills out a bikini? Please. If not for the pappies, this bitch would be selling shoes herself. Finally - there"s the food thing. According to reports off the set, Ms Alba kept requesting lemons - something about not liking the smell left on her hands after filming with fish. Understandable in isolation of course but not when you factor in the fact that she kept complaining about it all day long, as if getting paid thousands of dollars to pet a penguin once in a while was the most injurious task ever assigned a young starlet. She"d also insist on personally made sandwiches with "exacting specifications" and when the sandwich was ready, even though she happened to be right in front of it, she still wouldn"t lower herself to pick it up on her own. She walked right by and sent her assistant back to claim it- an assistant who was keenly aware of the absurdity of the situation and apologised profusely for the rudeness. Goddess.Heavens.Fury.Karma. I"m telling you…they are gonna have to rewrite the payback playbook for this bitch. And I can"t f&cking wait.
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