Jessica Alba: a warning from the Goddess

August 10, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at August 10, 2006 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Next to the likes of Tori Spelling and Heather Mills, Jessica Alba"s sins might be slight. But like all breeds of fungus, this bitch is growing exponentially and the Goddess is watching, waiting, and warning. For a refresher on the Alba antics, enter "Alba" in the search field and click on go. The quick and dirty? She"s a petty, jealous, mean spirited cow who will not hesitate to spit on the little people and, as I"ve said before, I"ve got over a dozen eager victims lined up and waiting for camera time to share their story on television. So no. This is NOT just gossip. It is fact. And it is also fact that she"s been terrorising Vancouver for the better part of a month, in town to shoot Good Luck Chuck with the ubiquitous Dane Cook whose Tom Cruise impersonation remains one of the funniest things I have ever had the pleasure of enjoying. I still laugh my ass off just thinking about that clip. But I digress. We were talking about Jessica"s bad behaviour and we were talking about how she"s alienating an entire Canadian city with her snotty demands and her impossibly ungrateful treatment of her fans, from yelling at them, to refusing to speak to them, to siccing her assistant on them whenever she can"t be bothered to be friendly. Now here"s the latest. Downtown Vancouver, Robson Street is where shoppers converge. Ms Alba has been taking her dog in to many of the shops, practically sh*tting all over the salespeople, putting things on hold and special ordering items for pick up at a later date because naturally, she"s too good to carry her own bags. And PAY for it herself. What happens is that a stylist or a member of the crew will come in later on to haul back her stuff, apparently putting all of it on the film"s account, not that any of the merchandise will be worn in the movie but just to keep the little diva happy since she won"t stop complaining about the fact that she"s committed to this project, seeing as she now reckons she"s too good for dinky little projects with dinky up and coming comedians. She is flanked by four assistants round the clock, when she"s not on camera, she"s wrapped in a fur blanket and Uggs because there"s only been a frickin" record breaking heat wave sweeping through Vancouver, and she"s notorious for flipping out if a pretty girl makes her way on set. Word is, the entire crew can"t stand her and none of them were happy with their assignment either, especially since they remember her assy-ness when she was in town for Dark Angel a few years back. But here"s where it gets interesting. Last week, the cast and some crew members were flown to Edmonton to shoot a few scenes at the penguin park. On their way there, the plane was HIT BY LIGHTNING, as in "charred wings" and all! Now I"m told airplanes are built for these kinds of occurrences and while everyone landed safe and sound, if I were Jessica Alba? I"d start thinking about a little attitude adjustment. It"s one thing to invite the wrath of the Goddess onto your own bitchy head but it"s entirely another to drag unsuspecting, hard working people down into your personal karmic inferno, you know what I mean? Smarten up, Alba. She"s watching…and so are we.
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