The Alba Bitch must work

March 3, 2009 07:25:00 Posted at March 3, 2009 07:25:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Back in the day, on the Vancouver set of Dark Angel, a lovely man approached Jessica Alba, who was standing around with her assistant, to request an autograph for his two young boys who had come to visit dad, on security detail, at work. The Alba Bitch wasn’t feeling it. She turned to her helper, without bothering to make eye contact with her fans, and said – I told you I don’t want to talk to anyone.

Youth is blamed often for bad behaviour. I was an idiot when I was 18. But that kind of rudeness, not even I would have been capable of it. No, that kind of rudeness is innate. It comes from the soul. It does not die. It will learn to hide, sure, but it will also adjust to its environment and mature, picking and choosing its opportunities to be unleashed on those who will suffer it in silence.

This is Jessica Alba. And this is why Jessica Alba actually smiled last night while leaving Beso. She was nominated for several Razzies recently, remember? And while she lost out on the distinction to Ebola, the situation served as a wakeup. Stop acting like such a f-cking rag, at least publicly, and make like Taupe Jennifer Garner by posing and pimping out your kid.

It’s always about the career, see?

As such, the Alba Demon is suddenly friendlier, swallowing back her disdain to mingle with the minions, clenching her teeth hard to prevent herself from lashing out.

In this economy, everyone must work.

Behind closed doors though, you have to wonder who is feeling the brunt of it. Because she’s trying to be nice. Which means some poor victim out there is paying for it.

Photos from

Previous Article Next Article