Jessica Alba Gossip

Jessica Alba gossip, latest news, photos, and video.

Emmy Rossum: stick a needle in my eye

September 25, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at September 25, 2006 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

It"s no secret my disdain for Emmy Rossum. In my books, there is nothing more tedious than a doe eyed overgrown 10 year old with rosy cheeks and too many giggles. Which is why every time I see her grace a red carpet, sometimes in a twinkly princess number, sometimes in a debutante designer gown, sometimes in a friggin" ballerina frock, this time in a tickle me playmate teacup shift for the Teen Vogue event last week, it"s enough sugar to make me want to seize, and if given a death choice between Jessica Alba"s bitchstare and Emmy Rossum"s teacher"s pet full mouth of teeth, I"ll take the bitch, thank you very much. Full Story

The Daily Crazy: Renee in Vancouver Part 3

September 21, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at September 21, 2006 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Like I said yesterday, I don"t know what"s going on with this girl. Maybe it"s method acting, maybe Kenny Chesney, Jack White, Beatrix Potter…maybe they all f*cked her up good. Whatever the case, she"s fallen down and hit her head and it"s a damn shame because before this I really thought Renee Zellweger was one of the good ones and then she comes to town and drives around like a woman possessed and almost runs people over and cusses about it without apology and you have to wonder - where are her manners? And how much help does she need? Here"s the latest: Vancouver. Full Story

Fergie loves meth, kicks meth, hates you

September 20, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at September 20, 2006 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

I"m loathe to bag on someone for coming clean about drug use, I"m especially loathe to bag on someone who is speaking out against the intoxicating appeal of crystal meth, quite possibly the most dangerous drug on the planet right now, both for its potency and its affordability, a drug that can cause irreparable brain damage and psychosis after just one hit, a drug that is being offered for FREE at high schools because of its highly addictive nature, guaranteed repeat customers, customers who end up on the streets, broken and alone, with lifelong mental health issues and perhaps one last ray of hope with us at Covenant House Vancouver. Full Story

Defending Madge

September 20, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at September 20, 2006 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Is it really that bad? I don"t think it"s bad at all. In fact, I actually think it"s chic, a nice change, way better than tacky ass, long curly weaves (Jessica Alba), way better than soccer mom bobs (Jessica Simpson), and much much better than soap opera helmets sprayed on with no movement (Eva Longoria). Full Story

The New and Improved Julia Roberts

August 25, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at August 25, 2006 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

In more ways than one? Clearly much better than the last go round of ads for Ferre in which she looked like an equine elf, hair pulled back, decided unglamourous. And that skirt is spectacular! A curious Julia these days, non? Extremely low key, almost eager to go unnoticed, mother earth personified, humble to the point of reinvention. Full Story

Best Speech, Worst Face: Jessica Alba

August 21, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at August 21, 2006 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Oh dear. The mighty Alba took a tumble, didn’t she? Budget extensions, SUPER budget makeup, and let’s not go anywhere near that five dollar top. Guess who’s going to attack her stylist tomorrow morning when she finds out everyone hated her ensemble? Still…I think we have to give the Alba Demon credit for the most convincing speech of the evening, even more remarkable when you consider that the bitch giving it is the most difficult, the most demanding, the most evil little starlet in Hollywood. Full Story

Friday, August 18, 2006
Dear gossips, So I saw Jessica Alba today. Came within 10 feet of her. She was a block away from my place, the set was on a residential side street, I was out with the dog and my very pregnant girlfriend Julie who is due, like literally, any hour now, and who was advised to keep moving to speed up her labour. Since I have some money riding on her pushing that baby out tomorrow, I was all game for a stroll "round the neighbourhood and "lo and behold we step on to the street and there are the production trailers and even crazier, there she is coming out of the house. Thank Goddess Marcus, uncooperative at the best of times, decided at that moment to lift his leg so we could stop and watch. Destiny, I guess. Shockingly enough, she was not scowling. Or yelling at anyone. Or, for that matter, being fanned and serviced. She was, if you can believe it, actually walking without assistance - one of the few things she"ll agree to do herself without a whole lot of bitchfare. Small mercies, savvy? Anyway, she was headed towards an attending van, white short sleeved tee, khaki long pants, a scarf wrapped around her neck, hair pulled back, fresh face, very little makeup, tiny tiny, width wise AND height wise, definitely no taller than me and I tower at a mini 5 ft 3, with an extra maybe half inch on a good day. Oh and did I mention stunning, stunning, stunning? "Cause here"s the thing about the Demon Alba - and this is the 2nd time I"ve seen her, both times sans "film face" - the girl is pure unadulterated gorgessity. In a way that"s not intimidating either. She doesn’t look like glass, there"s not a hint of a chill about her beauty, but rather an alluring sweetness that somehow belies the bitch within. A shame, non? . That a girl so lovely on the outside could be so ugly on the inside? And finally, it looks like our efforts to unmask her horror are being rewarded slowly but surely. First the mention in Defamer and now a radio station in Detroit - The Morning X on 89X Radio, 88.7FM - quoted from my site verbatim today, giving the good people of Detroit and Windsor the real smut behind Alba"s toit little ass. Thanks to Kate for the tip. And thanks to Susan for the heads up on a small correction from yesterday that actually ends up making Jessica"s behaviour even worse than before. You"ll recall I reported that she went to a shoe store in Edmonton and told the sales girl: "Now you can take my boots off." Well it turns out that all she did at the shoe store was ignore everyone and communicate only through her helper because the boot command actually happened on the set of her movie, after she was finished shooting a sequence, she sat down like a little snot and said to some random person, an employee busy with other things, a crew member who was not paid to be her bitch, who WAS NOT HER ASSISTANT, she just ordered this person: "Now you can take my boots off." Because anyone within a 3 block radius of the Alba is automatically classified as an Alba servant. Do you love it? In today"s issue: crazy Katie still sweet, Britney and Boo, beautiful Drew, sacrificing Gwynnie for gossip objectivity, and the Hoff reborn in Belfast.

A Compliment for Katie

August 18, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at August 18, 2006 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

I have no quarrel with Katie Holmes. After all, is she not the ultimate victim in this war? Let"s leave our quarrels with her master and extend some credit where credit is due. Because when all is said and done, Katie Holmes is not only a beauty, she is also a mannered beauty - and as you can see from the Alba example, mannered beauties seem hard to come by these days. Full Story

Thursday, August 17, 2006
Dear gossips, Had to laugh Wednesday AM after technical difficulties prompted the following message from Kevin L in Toronto: "My conspiracy theory - Could it be that the GMD is coming after you because of all the correct info you have posted about Him and his Fake Family? And that is why the server you are on has crashed? I was looking forward to your scoops, and just cant get in. Damn the GMD and his minions." Flattered for the concern, Kevin and fortunately, I"m safe from the Crazy"s clutches for now. Server went sideways early Wednesday morning, resulting in many of you not getting your fix until later on in the day. Remember you can always subscribe which means you receive the full text of the column emailed to your inbox without the photos so you can always check the site for visual later. Hope that helps. As Herro Kitty would say: appreciate muchly your patience today and going forward for the next couple of days while we sort this out. Thank you, love you, owe you. And in case you missed Wednesday"s column, please click on "THIS WEEK" on the left hand side of the page and scroll down til you find August 16th. Quick short blast today since Hollywood hibernation (read: colonics, Botox, last minute tucking) is in full effect, preparing for super smut season just ahead. Emmys, VMAs, both leading in to the Toronto International Film Festival, award season releases dropping in the Fall, major premieres as Oscar contenders begin to emerge in earnest… we need to rest up too, savvy? By all accounts, it"s going to be frickin" madness from late August until March and if I have to keep up, YOU have to keep up! This issue: campaigning for Kate, Dina Lohan - model mother, Beyonce - model for madness, Jessica Alba - model for bitch, and the final verdict on Penelope Cruz. PS. Forgive me, please, if I seem a little…distracted. Just came from a screening of The Illusionist and, um, Edward Norton? Total Quiveration Nation. So much so that he"s just leapfrogged Hot Harry. PPS. Sweet Goddess - can we get through one f&cking day without hearing about Jennifer Aniston talking about the engagement that she doesn"t want to talk about but keeps talking about anyway because she can"t stand not talking about it??? Yesterday it was Courteney Cox as the mouthpiece. Now it"s an exclusive denial through People Magazine, turning what was a one week headline into a neverending one, showing yet again how puppetted we all are by the one and only Stephen Huvane. Seriously…if the Beckhams want America, they best hire him. And please don"t tell me there isn"t some very clever media manipulation going on here. You already know my theory , now take a look at Perez who has gone deliciously apesh*t on Jen"s toit tanned ass for the big giant fraud that just won"t die. Click here to get his take on the situation and while we may differ on logistics, we definitely agree on the crux: the "girl next door"? She don"t exist, y"all. What you see is spin, spin, spin.

Jessica Alba: a real bitch never learns

August 17, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at August 17, 2006 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Wishful thinking I suppose but not even a lightning bolt can tame the terror that is Jessica Alba. And she continues to rage across my great country, unable to suppress the insurmountable C-bomb forever housed inside her perfect physique. Full Story

Jessica Alba: a warning from the Goddess

August 10, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at August 10, 2006 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Next to the likes of Tori Spelling and Heather Mills, Jessica Alba"s sins might be slight. But like all breeds of fungus, this bitch is growing exponentially and the Goddess is watching, waiting, and warning. For a refresher on the Alba antics, enter "Alba" in the search field and click on go. The quick and dirty? She"s a petty, jealous, mean spirited cow who will not hesitate to spit on the little people and, as I"ve said before, I"ve got over a dozen eager victims lined up and waiting for camera time to share their story on television. Full Story