Shelfy’s definition of Everything

October 27, 2008 06:40:57 Posted at October 27, 2008 06:40:57
Lainey Posted by Lainey

There are maybe, like, two of you still sitting on the fence about Shelf Ass Jessica Biel’s insatiable appetite for fame and the increasingly embarrassing, not to mention ruthless, ways she’s attempting to achieve it.

If this applies to you, I predict you’ll have changed your mind by the end of this post. Because this time it’s undeniable.

Shelfy somehow scored top billing in a new film called Easy Virtue, polluting the polished performances of Colin Firth and Kristin Scott Thomas who apparently relished every opportunity she had on film to cut that ass down.

Anyway, Shelf ended up recording a few songs for the movie soundtrack. And of course, because she can’t take a golden sh-t without her publicist telling us about it, a hilariously obvious article appeared on the other day… ALWAYS, right?

Shelfy’s rep said she did an “amazing job” singing in studio and even provided us with bystander reaction:

"Everyone at the studio said, 'Some girls have everything.' Jessica Biel is dating a gorgeous guy, she's a great actress – and she can sing."

Oh now that’s a great message, non?

The definition of having “everything” and the first attribute listed in support of the fact (?) that Jessica Biel has “everything” is that she is DATING A GORGEOUS GUY.

Now remember…these words were released by Shelfy’s publicist, a hired communications specialist whose job it is to craft the message.

It’s no accident.

It’s no accident that she described her client’s having everything as it relates to who she’s dating. Why? Because her client is leveraging her entire career off her man.

And THAT has EVERYTHING to do with Jessica Biel’s definition of girl power.

But just in case you’re still not convinced? One more nail…

When asked if Shelf Ass would ever work on her own album, the indefatigable publicist replied:

"I'm not sure but I'm sure dating Justin will probably have some influence in that!"

Because she can’t decide for herself?

For someone who claims she wants to keep her relationship private, her public relations team talks about it an awful lot, non?

To hear Shelfy sing, click here and at the bottom right corner, scroll to track 13. Stretching puts it mildly.

This is Shelf Ass with a smug face leaving LA for London the other day en route to the film festival where Easy Virtue is being screened.

Photos from

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