Shelfy + Taupe = Bore

February 3, 2010 06:57:37 Posted at February 3, 2010 06:57:37
Lainey Posted by Lainey

These are the articles you can write from the ass. Right off the get there’s the sense that you’ve arrived just in time to witness some killer celebrity fellatio. It’s Shelf Ass Jessica Biel and Taupe Jennifer Garner for Marie Claire to promote Valentine’s Day, featured together in an article so banal, it makes People seem controversial.

As for the photos, unfortunately there are no pouts. Because when they pout, they share the same swollen lips. Indeed, Shelf and Taupe are the same, both in personality and in appearance. WAIT! Don’t leave. Don’t click away. You’re bored, I know, so a last parting shot before you move on to the next article...

My favourite quote from the interview:

After a brief allusion to sleeping with Don Draper – Biel emphatically insists she would never (like, please) – they are asked about their own relationships.

Q: "Both of you have very famous men whom you really do sleep with. Does that double your own fame? Does it become part of your girl talk?"


"Well, we don't need them to be famous ourselves. It's not like I go to Jessica, 'Oh, how's your famous boyfriend?'"

Insightful, non?

That wasn’t the question, was it? So why then was it the answer? Defence mechanism?

They know it themselves.

Would you care about Jennifer Garner had she not married Ben Affleck? Would you care about the Shelf if there was no Pipsqueak? That response was an acknowledgement that you don’t.

For the full article and more photos click here.

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