Shelf Ass strips for employment

August 16, 2007 07:41:00 Posted at August 16, 2007 07:41:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Jessica Biel is currently shooting a new movie call Powder Blue headlined by Oscar winner Forrest Whittaker – something about the intersecting lives of seemingly unrelated people in LA with a violent twist. Already critics are calling it a Crash copycat.

Having said that, Powder Blue is clearly a step up from the garbage she’s worked on of late – Next, Chuck & Larry – and now we know why.

Turns out, the Shelf Ass will bare ass in the film after signing a contract that guarantees she will show off her nipples from several angles and of course that famously elevated posterior from the side which, really if you think about it, is the only side that best shows off the Shelf anyway and let’s face it, it’s the only reason they hired her…which is why her clever clever publicist conceived of the Ass Strategy some time last year and hit the f8cking jackpot when not only JT noticed but my Chinese Squawking Chicken mother as well who doesn’t know Hollywood celebrities from her Chinese ass but who watches eTalk 3 times a week when I’m on to tell me I’m getting fat. So she’s now become familiar with a steady rotation of stars. Including Jessica Biel.

We had it on last night, a photo flashed of Shelf Ass in her hideous Oscar fuchsia nightmare and off goes my mother: Waaaaahhhh…dees man woo-mun again. Why always dees man woo-mun? Dees man or woo-man?”

See? The Chicken speaks the truth.


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