The Jessicas and their limits

September 17, 2009 07:28:51 Posted at September 17, 2009 07:28:51
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Variety reports that Shelf Ass Jessica Biel has found herself a job. She’ll play Bradley Cooper’s ex lover in A-Team, an army lady who’s on their asses. Or something.

This is what you call Hollywood reality. After months and months of waiting, desperately hoping for an opportunity, the most attractive prospect presented to Shelfy turned out to be a supporting role as the proverbial sexy girlfriend in an action movie that requires little in the way of talent. And yet again, Biel has been hired on the basis of her physicality, her body, and not on the basis of her acting. Not exactly Keira Knightley/Natalie Portman/Anne Hathaway material.

It is however Jessica Alba material.

Alba had Fantastic Four. A big budget action franchise, ensemble cast. Since then, every starring vehicle with responsibility squarely on the Alba Bitch’s shoulders has been annihilated at the box office and by the critics. She was overreaching. Just like Shelfy.

Shelfy’s acceptance of the A-Team offer however shows some solid decision making and self awareness. Playing the hot girl in army fatigues and shooting the bad guys while bombs go off and kissing the handsome dude at the end is, really, her limit in terms of career achievement. She has accepted the truth. For now.

But oh look!

On the day that news broke that Shelfy would be joining A-Team, she happened to get papped in LA leaving a friend’s house.

Coincidence or conspiracy?

Photos from London Entertainment/

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