Shelfy f-cks for her next movie

October 30, 2009 09:55:07 Posted at October 30, 2009 09:55:07
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Smart. Go back to your roots, girl. Use your body. It’s all you have.

Shrinking Shelf Ass Jessica Biel has found her next role. No longer scrounging for the Portman/Knightley/Hathaway discards, perhaps finally ready to accept that real acting is not in her future, Shelfy is now confirmed to star in and produce a comedy called F-cking Engaged about a couple who promise to f-ck every day so that their marriage won’t become stale. For serious. That is the premise.

So presumably she’ll be naked? A lot?

Astute. Very, very astute. Overreaching was getting her nowhere.

As for whether or not Jessica can actually carry a comedy…


It’s another one of her classic quotes. Like when she said her beauty was a burden, Jessica also once blamed her physique on the fact that she doesn’t get offered many comedic scripts:

"I've never gotten to do romantic comedy like most of the girls. Maybe because I'm fit, people assume that I'm not funny?"


And this is the sh-t that keeps her on the sh-t list.

Shut up and take off your clothes. After all, it’s what you encouraged in the first place.

I’ve attached for your viewing pleasure a few photos that illustrate Jessica Biel’s sole selling strategy, and also my all time favourite photo of her taken a few years ago that she probably emailed to Justin Timberlake every day until he agreed to take her out.


Previous Article Next Article