Jessica Biel Gossip

Jessica Biel gossip, latest news, photos, and video.

Shelf Ass the artist

Lainey Posted by Lainey at August 8, 2008 06:55:22 August 8, 2008 06:55:22

Shelfy Biel attended the opening of the 4th Annual Hollyshorts film festival last night because she’s such a pure artist, you know? Seriously, those bangs. Those bangs must die. As you can see, Shelf Ass is trying to dress all classy and serious. Because she wants to be taken seriously. As a pure artist, you know? Like… she’s more than just a celebrity. Full Story

Taking credit…for everything

Lainey Posted by Lainey at July 30, 2008 07:24:53 July 30, 2008 07:24:53

After performing at the Grammy’s Pip said he was solely responsible for the show’s amazing ratings. After endorsing McDonalds, Pippy boasted he was solely responsible for the company’s overall net gains. Curiously enough, after The Love Guru stank up the box office, Pippy did not take accountability for its failure. Full Story

Shelfy Hates Fried Chicken

Lainey Posted by Lainey at July 24, 2008 06:38:00 July 24, 2008 06:38:00

Oh Shelfy. So predictable. It was widely reported yesterday that Britney and Justin will be reuniting professionally for a duet, according to OK! Magazine. Here’s what I wrote at the end of the article: Besides, adding Chicken Fried back in (Pip’s) diet would most certainly push Shelf Ass off the map. Full Story

Hermy Shelfy at the ESPYs

Lainey Posted by Lainey at July 17, 2008 16:00:00 July 17, 2008 16:00:00

And she TRIED. She totally tried. The shoes will tell you that. She tried and she SUCKED!!! Check out Shelf Ass Jessica Biel at the ESPYs last night where her Pippy was hosting. It’s the bangs, it’s the greasy pinhead ponytail, it’s a man wearing the tanktop and a skirt. Justin Timberlake is dating a herm. Full Story

Pippy at the ESPYs

Lainey Posted by Lainey at July 17, 2008 06:36:16 July 17, 2008 06:36:16

Justin Timberlake hosted the ESPYs last night and tried to be funny. Pipsqueak performed an “original rock opera”, paying homage to everyone from Tiger Woods to the Boston Celtics, and belittling Jessica Simpson, which wouldn’t be the first time. A few years ago, Pippy hit up Saturday Night Live and played her for the moron she is. Full Story

Shelfy uses Pippy’s granny

Lainey Posted by Lainey at July 15, 2008 16:18:43 July 15, 2008 16:18:43

Another beautiful, bold, brilliant play from Shelfy’s publicist, nudging Justin’s grandma to talk wistfully about his wedding. Clever, non? Get an old lady hoping that one day soon she’ll be able to see her beloved grandson take a wife, conveniently make sure a reporter gets the soundbite and all of a sudden, Jessica Biel finds herself making headlines yet again, and a new script from her agent fedexed at the same time. Full Story

Shelfy tries to dance

Lainey Posted by Lainey at July 10, 2008 07:21:36 July 10, 2008 07:21:36

Couldn’t be bothered to pay close enough attention while reading to the article to find out whether or not she has a background in dance. It doesn’t matter anyway. Because never before has there been such an inelegant herm on a dance floor. Check out Shelf Ass Jessica Biel in Harper’s Bazaar – some kind of photo shoot showcasing her dance moves with several designers. Full Story

Pip eats without his ass

Lainey Posted by Lainey at July 9, 2008 16:16:05 July 9, 2008 16:16:05

As my mother would say… Why this happening? Pipsqueakweasel Justin Timberlake eating out without his Shelf Ass Jessica Biel? Impossible! Yet here he is – JT last night photographed outside a restaurant in Beverly Hills and no Shelfy in sight, which only means that we’ll be seeing Shelfy clinging to her Pippy very, very soon, lest you forget he has a girlfriend. Full Story

Shelfy Blogs!

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 30, 2008 14:18:24 June 30, 2008 14:18:24

Shelf Ass Jessica Biel has joined us on the blogs! As is the case with everything Shelfy sets her ass to, the primary focus behind her first blog entry was to share with the world an update on her career, including the four film projects she’s pipweasled her ass onto thanks to the tireless tipping off of the paparazzi by her brilliant publicist. Full Story

The Double Save-Face

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 27, 2008 06:47:06 June 27, 2008 06:47:06

Pippy Le Pew is currently starring in a box office bomb. Annihilated by critics and passed over by the public, The Love Guru is expected to drop steeply in just its second weekend. Justin Timberlake, although he refuses to take ownership, is still smarting from the failure. His Shelf Ass meanwhile is also suffering a setback. Full Story

Of course he is

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 25, 2008 07:35:13 June 25, 2008 07:35:13

Pippy Le Pew Justin Timberlake claims he suffers from OCD. But of course he does. All artists have compulsions, right? And Pip is, above all things, indisputably an artist. "I have OCD mixed with ADD. You try living with that. It"s complicated”, he said. No douchebag… it’s contrived. Full Story