Jessica Biel Gossip

Jessica Biel gossip, latest news, photos, and video.

Baby Balls Meets Golden Balls

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 13, 2008 06:41:16 June 13, 2008 06:41:16

Pipsqueak and David Beckham at the Laker Game last night, quite obviously a meeting of the minds. Next to the Golden Balls, Pippy’s undropped handicap is all the more evident. But Becks is hot, isn’t it? As for Justin, didn’t see Shelf Ass Jessica Biel, which would mark the 2nd night in a row she wasn’t allowed to show herself off as his girlfriend. Full Story

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No Shelf on the Carpet

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 12, 2008 06:44:20 June 12, 2008 06:44:20

The PipWeasel last night on the carpet for the premiere of The Love Guru which – maybe it’s just me – looks like total ass. Even the trailer. Get Smart instead, ok? After all, Steve Carell deserves it more than Mike Myers. And at least Steve isn’t a crazy unfunny bitch on set. Full Story

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Pippy Putts

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 6, 2008 13:55:29 June 6, 2008 13:55:29

It hurts me to post these. It hurts to look at my golf clubs collecting dust in the closet. Just before breaking my arm, I had finally figured out my short game. Was supposed to break 100 this season. Many times. F*cking Mischa Barton Full Story

Shelfy Stomps Her Feet

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 27, 2008 06:43:15 May 27, 2008 06:43:15

Who’s the little Shelfy pouting in the corner? There’s the little Shelfy who needs more attention. Poor little petulant Shelfy has spent weeks off the headlines. That’s why the little Shelfy is stomping her feet. And putting her publicist right back to work. You see, Shelf Ass Jessica Biel has been stuck on a movie set with Jake Gyllenhaal who apparently read her the riot act, telling her in no uncertain terms that she was not to pull her usual paparazzi shenanigans and arrange “candids” from the set of their movie Nailed which has been filming over the last several weeks and recently shut down production reportedly from lack of funding. Full Story

The New Cam

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 22, 2008 06:16:08 May 22, 2008 06:16:08

Love this. LOVE. Thought at first it was a costume thing. That Cameron Diaz could not possibly have shaved her head. But photographers insist that she did. That for the sake of authenticity on the set of My Sister"s Keeper, Cam went completely clean. Which takes balls. Which I know I used to say she used to have. Full Story

A Rare Unplanned Picture

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 5, 2008 05:17:24 May 5, 2008 05:17:24

Shelf Ass Jessica Biel photographed at the airport headed to NYC after a lengthy delay. Wonder if she’ll be demanding that Pip start flying her in private planes from now on? Because her clever publicist, who has been able to build Shelfy’s career on the sole basis of choreographed candid photos of her impressive posterior, probably didn’t plan this. Full Story

Jakey vs Shelfy?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at April 17, 2008 06:28:00 April 17, 2008 06:28:00

Shelf Ass Jessica Biel somehow conned her way into a starring role opposite Jake Gyllenhaal in Nailed, the first screenplay co-penned by Kristin Gore. No wonder she’s so happily smug…although my sources say, she needs to be careful. Jakey, you see, is not a fan of her antics. Specifically her paparazzi antics. Full Story

Pip’n’Ass at the Wedding

Lainey Posted by Lainey at April 7, 2008 04:31:00 April 7, 2008 04:31:00

Some important person in Hollywood was married Saturday night and the wedding brought out some young heavy hitters including an Olsen, a Speedman, a Pipqueak, and a Shelf Ass. Here are Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel on their way out of the reception. As you can see from Shelfy’s smug ass expression, someone is very, very, very happy to be greeted by the paps. Full Story

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This is Single

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 31, 2008 13:39:00 March 31, 2008 13:39:00

This is single Cameron Diaz on the cover of May GQ. This is ridiculous. Cam’s body is ridiculous. Cameron tells the magazine that she’s been "boy crazy" for a year. That she is choosing not to be in a relationship because that’s where she is right now, preferring to enjoy instead a brief hook up now and again with the likes of John Mayer, Bradley Cooper, and – ugh – Criss Angel. Full Story

Makeover of the Decade

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 27, 2008 12:41:03 March 27, 2008 12:41:03

Seriously. There is actually a publicist/PR coach who is cleverer than Jessica Biel’s. And Jessica Biel’s publicist is a fecking genius. After all, that girl has gone from average looking borderline herm tv girl with a shelf ass to a wannabe movie actress dating a Pipsqueak. It’s like the showbiz equivalent of a hole-in-one, you know? The most challenging achievement in the world. Full Story

Shelfy Back to Brown

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 18, 2008 14:26:00 March 18, 2008 14:26:00

Much better as a brunette. Here’s Jessica Biel, walking her dog, showing off her newly re-darkened natural locks after posing as a blonde for Easy Virtue. Check her out trying to “turn away” from the cameras… Ummm. Shelfy? Sit DOWN! As if she didn’t want to be photographed, like, one day after getting her hair coloured. Full Story