Jessica Biel Gossip

Jessica Biel gossip, latest news, photos, and video.

Shelfy uses Pippy’s granny

Lainey Posted by Lainey at July 15, 2008 16:18:43 July 15, 2008 16:18:43

Another beautiful, bold, brilliant play from Shelfy’s publicist, nudging Justin’s grandma to talk wistfully about his wedding. Clever, non? Get an old lady hoping that one day soon she’ll be able to see her beloved grandson take a wife, conveniently make sure a reporter gets the soundbite and all of a sudden, Jessica Biel finds herself making headlines yet again, and a new script from her agent fedexed at the same time. Full Story

Shelfy tries to dance

Lainey Posted by Lainey at July 10, 2008 07:21:36 July 10, 2008 07:21:36

Couldn’t be bothered to pay close enough attention while reading to the article to find out whether or not she has a background in dance. It doesn’t matter anyway. Because never before has there been such an inelegant herm on a dance floor. Check out Shelf Ass Jessica Biel in Harper’s Bazaar – some kind of photo shoot showcasing her dance moves with several designers. Full Story

Pip eats without his ass

Lainey Posted by Lainey at July 9, 2008 16:16:05 July 9, 2008 16:16:05

As my mother would say… Why this happening? Pipsqueakweasel Justin Timberlake eating out without his Shelf Ass Jessica Biel? Impossible! Yet here he is – JT last night photographed outside a restaurant in Beverly Hills and no Shelfy in sight, which only means that we’ll be seeing Shelfy clinging to her Pippy very, very soon, lest you forget he has a girlfriend. Full Story

Shelfy Blogs!

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 30, 2008 14:18:24 June 30, 2008 14:18:24

Shelf Ass Jessica Biel has joined us on the blogs! As is the case with everything Shelfy sets her ass to, the primary focus behind her first blog entry was to share with the world an update on her career, including the four film projects she’s pipweasled her ass onto thanks to the tireless tipping off of the paparazzi by her brilliant publicist. Full Story

The Double Save-Face

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 27, 2008 06:47:06 June 27, 2008 06:47:06

Pippy Le Pew is currently starring in a box office bomb. Annihilated by critics and passed over by the public, The Love Guru is expected to drop steeply in just its second weekend. Justin Timberlake, although he refuses to take ownership, is still smarting from the failure. His Shelf Ass meanwhile is also suffering a setback. Full Story

Of course he is

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 25, 2008 07:35:13 June 25, 2008 07:35:13

Pippy Le Pew Justin Timberlake claims he suffers from OCD. But of course he does. All artists have compulsions, right? And Pip is, above all things, indisputably an artist. "I have OCD mixed with ADD. You try living with that. It"s complicated”, he said. No douchebag… it’s contrived. Full Story

Baby Balls Meets Golden Balls

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 13, 2008 06:41:16 June 13, 2008 06:41:16

Pipsqueak and David Beckham at the Laker Game last night, quite obviously a meeting of the minds. Next to the Golden Balls, Pippy’s undropped handicap is all the more evident. But Becks is hot, isn’t it? As for Justin, didn’t see Shelf Ass Jessica Biel, which would mark the 2nd night in a row she wasn’t allowed to show herself off as his girlfriend. Full Story

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No Shelf on the Carpet

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 12, 2008 06:44:20 June 12, 2008 06:44:20

The PipWeasel last night on the carpet for the premiere of The Love Guru which – maybe it’s just me – looks like total ass. Even the trailer. Get Smart instead, ok? After all, Steve Carell deserves it more than Mike Myers. And at least Steve isn’t a crazy unfunny bitch on set. Full Story

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Pippy Putts

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 6, 2008 13:55:29 June 6, 2008 13:55:29

It hurts me to post these. It hurts to look at my golf clubs collecting dust in the closet. Just before breaking my arm, I had finally figured out my short game. Was supposed to break 100 this season. Many times. F*cking Mischa Barton Full Story

Shelfy Stomps Her Feet

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 27, 2008 06:43:15 May 27, 2008 06:43:15

Who’s the little Shelfy pouting in the corner? There’s the little Shelfy who needs more attention. Poor little petulant Shelfy has spent weeks off the headlines. That’s why the little Shelfy is stomping her feet. And putting her publicist right back to work. You see, Shelf Ass Jessica Biel has been stuck on a movie set with Jake Gyllenhaal who apparently read her the riot act, telling her in no uncertain terms that she was not to pull her usual paparazzi shenanigans and arrange “candids” from the set of their movie Nailed which has been filming over the last several weeks and recently shut down production reportedly from lack of funding. Full Story

The New Cam

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 22, 2008 06:16:08 May 22, 2008 06:16:08

Love this. LOVE. Thought at first it was a costume thing. That Cameron Diaz could not possibly have shaved her head. But photographers insist that she did. That for the sake of authenticity on the set of My Sister"s Keeper, Cam went completely clean. Which takes balls. Which I know I used to say she used to have. Full Story