Sweet. Mother. Of. Karl. Lagerfeld – where is that bitchbeating fan when you need it???
I think we can all agree that Jessica Simpson is not a large woman. Far from it. But when she doesn’t dress to flatter her body, when she picks tits over hips and decides to eliminate her waist, the resulting effect is the worst possible fashion crime ever.
Kill me for saying it, I’m sorry to offend you, but I think she looks chubb. And she looks chub because of those boobs - they form a tent, they don’t let anything come back in, and whoever told her she could pull off a frickin’ wrestling unitard should be dragged by the pinky all the way to Paris, France, to suffer unspeakable acts of fashion torture at the hands of Le Karl in his atelier.
Tranny shoulders, stubby legs, terrible terrible makeup…is John Mayer maybe gaybe??? And more importantly – why the hell does she look so bloody startled in every photo? How much you wanna bet it’s because her pupils are pinned?
Ok, I’m done. Would love to hear your thoughts, even though I might not be able to write back quickly, I read each and every single email, so hit me up – let’s have it!