Jessica Simpson: two shades, same tranny

September 21, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at September 21, 2006 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey
At the premiere and afterparty for Employee of the Month. Enough to make you shudder. Clearly, this girl will NEVER get it right. Thing is, I like the red dress. On Rachel Bilson, even Sarah Jessica Parker, with a different pair of shoes, no straps running up the stumpy calves, maybe even a different colour, the ensemble would have been a knockout hit. On Jessica Simpson however, it"s a crossdressing linebacker playing with momma"s lipstick. I"m telling you - those shoulders come with a matching penis, and for the last f&cking time - if she"s hawking hair products, why is it such a herculean feat just to get some good hair herself??? But enough about the assy style… let"s focus instead on the Simpsons" inadvertant little gift. Two things, first the John Mayer PR disaster, a blessing for conspiracy theorists like me in the face of kindergarten gossips and their gullible approach to celebrity smut. The Mayer Incident turned out to be a wonderful example of the fact that almost EVERYTHING in Hollywood is constructed, engineered, and choreographed to a capital T. And in case you need a refresher…both Us Weekly and People Magazine put the Jessica/John romance on their covers, with information culled from "friends and colleages" close to Jessica, friends and colleagues that ended up being her publicist - a story that eventually threw up all over her album release when John Mayer refused to have anything to do with her, exposing the situation for what it was: an embellished, essentially fabricated tall tale, designed specifically to boost record sales. But even though Rob Shuter has now been fired, don"t think for a second that he was fired because of what he did. He was not fired for lying. He was fired for FAILING TO LIE EFFECTIVELY. Big difference. Looking backward and going forward, since he"s worked with the Simpsons for a while, it means that every angle, every "spin", every report sanctioned by her team was probably done so deliberately, and therefore probably full of sh*t, and even more so now that with today"s revelation that Joe Simpson has been taking his own "candids" of his daughter and brokering them on wireimage which means that in the past, if you"ve seen either Simpson sister looking glum post-divorce or "healthy" or friendly or even happy, it probably has a LOT to do with who was behind the camera and what he was telling them from his vantage point…which also explains who no one wants to tap that ass, no matter how well she works on her knees. Photos from Gossip Rocks
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