Jessica Simpson: blonde again, single again

May 11, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at May 11, 2006 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Thank Goddess it was just a budget wig although touching up those roots wouldn"t hurt either. Ken fag…where are you??? Check out Jess in NYC yesterday, apparently in town to record a few new tracks for her new album. Did you know her last release went double platinum? Who the f&ck is buying this sh*t??? Sorry. I digress. As first reported by Janice Min and then confirmed by her publicist, Jessica and Cacee are no more. Cacee Cobb - her best friend, also her assistant, kinky manual stimulant (dirty dirty bitches), all round girl Friday- has decided to leave Simpson Inc for other pursuits. And while Nick Lachey would certainly qualify as other pursuits, all parties are insisting that the split was amicable, that Jess and Cacee are still as tight as ever. Uh huh. Can we just talk about this? Can we talk about how weird it is to hire your BEST FRIEND to pick up your dry cleaning and sort your underwear and schedule your brazilians??? It never ceases to amaze me how little attention this receives. That someone would actually pay a friend to be their personal assistant - a minion to her every whim, a lackey, a gopher, a piece of property to be ordered around at will, with no regard for boundaries and good form. Is it just me? Am I making this more f&cked up than it is? Because I honestly don"t think so. As rude and ungrateful and selfish as I am, I actually feel badly asking my friends to do anything extra…like look after my dog when I"m in Europe, even though they have dogs too. I get the slightest inkling of an edge in their voices, just a little hesitation - real or imagined - and I"m like ok, don"t worry about it, he"ll go to the nanny. So can you imagine how icky it would be to have to press a button on the intercom upstairs and summon your best friend into the bedroom to ask her to change the channel on the telly because your pedicure is still drying??? To me it"s inconceivable. For her, for them, for all of these Hollywood freaks - it"s totally appropriate. And don"t tell me Jessica Simpson wouldn"t be capable of that kind of brazen sloth. I"ve never seen such a useless waste of great breasts in my entire life.
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