If Jessie came to Canada...

October 4, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at October 4, 2006 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Check out Jessica out and about the other night with a newly enlarged pair of c*ck lips, as ridiculous as they were 9 months ago when she shot them up the first time - cheap, budget, small town trailer, tacky written all over her blonde bob, Puck Bunny written all over her big ass tits. At press time, we are just under 24 hours away from a brand new season of NHL hockey. For those of you not familiar with Canada - it"s, like, a big deal for us. As a proud Canadian, I love hockey for all the wonderful things the game adds to the fabric of my society - not only because it is a fabulously entertaining sport to watch but also because it brings out the most fabulously entertaining people to watch. For the benefit of those new to the site, these are the people I affectionately call Hockey Whores - you may also know them as Puck Bunnies, Puck F&cks, Puck Sluts: horny ass bimbos hellbent on getting discovered at the game a la Pam Anderson, and if that fails, hellbent on getting nailed in the mens" washroom on the lower level (lower level, better seats, more expensive seats, possible rich boyfriends…get it?). Hockey Whores go to the arena straight from the beach and this wouldn"t necessarily be a problem if hockey was actually played on sand. As it were, hockey is played on ICE which means that in an 18,000 capacity arena, the temperature"s gotta be pretty chill to keep out the thaw. And there she is the Hockey Whore, cherries encased in a tanktop or less, a thong peeking out the back of her low rise jeans, skin the colour of Donatella Versace all year round. The Hockey Whore bends over even to scratch her head, doesn"t know the difference between Offside and Icing, she thinks a PK stands for Pet my Kitty, and she lives only for tv timeouts or breaks in play when she can moan and groan and giggle at the top of her lungs, standing and waving, arms flailing, breasts bouncing with remarkable mobility, hitting her face on the way up, crashing her knees on the way down. Jessica Simpson isn"t Canadian. But if Jessica Simpson was Canadian, Jessica Simpson would be a Hockey Whore. No doubt about it.
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