Worst Legs, Worst Skin: Jessica Simpson
June 4, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at June 4, 2006 12:00:00
I like the dress. I like it a lot. And I even like the new weave. I do however object to the skin. The leathery texture, the orange glow, the way it makes her look like a man who’s been weathered by the sun after too many hours herding lifestock and chewing tobacco. As mentioned the other day, Jessica Simpson is clearly distressed. Distressed and um, don"t kill me but kinda stumpy-legged too, don"t you think? It’s something that’s always lurked around the corners of my consciousness and I’ve never been able to place it and then someone emailed me a while ago to point it out and it was like – ahhhh, yes! The stumpy legs, made even more obvious by her massive mouth and the fact that she’s tit heavy to boot. Which is why the “foot turned in” pose really doesn’t work for her. Then again, this is a girl who was deserted by her only friend just weeks ago and when you consider the other girls in the “Friendless Club”, I suppose Jessie’s appearance isn’t as atrocious as it could be. Jessica Simpson has no friends and Daddy was her date. Explains a lot, doesn’t it?