The Firecrotch & the War on all fronts

June 14, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at June 14, 2006 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Seems my girl Lohan is engaged in not one but two full scale catfights against a couple of equally lascivious opponents. On the left there"s Paris Hilton who, according to Page Six, is still holding a grudge about Lindsay"s shortlived romp with her Greek Giant. The two apparently ran into each other at a club the other night and Paris went jealous bananas in front a room full of witnesses. Lilo did not return the favour and her rep confirms the incident, explaining that her client chose to "take the high road" instead. In the other corner there"s Jessica Simpson. Eager to fill the huge Jackass void between her legs, she is now rumoured to be dealing with Jared Leto who was gay 2 weeks ago and who is now trying not to be anymore. This would mark the 3rd man in 6 months to come between these girls. You"ll recall Lindsay was trying to nail Nick a few months ago and of course the infamous kaffuffle over Brett Ratner (WTF???) and now word is Lohan is losing her sh*t over new reports - even People Magazine is going there - that Jessica and Jared are secretly hooking up on both coasts. What is it with this guy anyway? Diaz, Spears, Johansson, Lohan, Simpson - is Jared Leto really a catch??? Really??? Although Lindsay"s rep insists that she could care less about Jessie"s new conquest, gossips in NYC are buzzing LOUD that she is determined to "take that bitch down". Sweet Goddess, please make that happen. If Lindsay Lohan can take out BOTH blonde whores in one fell Dirty Face swoop, I will pledge my eternal devotion and sell my soul to see her win an Oscar. Cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye. Anyway, here she is yesterday having lunch and pickin" her teeth and then later on that evening looking like she just spent the night getting jacked by Tommy Lee. Come to think of it - wouldn"t THAT be the most deliciously skanky couple ever???
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