GOOPy & Porny: same trainer, same jeans…

March 28, 2011 11:51:25 Posted at March 28, 2011 11:51:25
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Oh but a world of difference.

Gwyneth Paltrow arrived at Heathrow today after attending a Balenciaga event over in San Francisco. Anna Wintour was there too and at one point they were sitting next to each other. GOOPy as you know is one of Anna’s favourites, even if she doesn’t sell. Click here for the pictures.

The long and lean G is wearing bells and pulling them off rather nicely with a black blazer and an oversized scarf. The pants are long, but not so long that you can’t see her shoe pop out in stride. She’s doing it right.

Over at LAX is where Porny gets it all wrong. Like a little teapot. Sing it to yourself and pull out the appropriate two adjectives. Short and stout. It’s hideous. And not because of her body type, but because she obviously doesn’t know what works for it. And it’s not like tall people can wear just anything either. My friends Duana and Michelle are both tall. Almost as tall as Gwyneth. And I’m the stub in our little threesome. And they’re always holding up items of my clothing, wistfully expressing that they could be suitable for them. Like lezzie boots or baby doll dresses. Lezzie boots because I have smaller feet than they do and they’d end up with shoe-boats and baby doll dresses because, quite rightly, in them they’d look like grown women trying to be children again. Jackets are sometimes hard for them too. It depends on where the waist sits whereas I have a much easier time pulling coats off a hanger and having them hang where they’re supposed to.

In other words, Jessica Simpson’s disadvantage is not physical. Her disadvantage is all mental. Genetically stupid + bad taste results in this.

Or maybe I’m the one with my head up my ass. After all, somehow this idiot has her name on a billion dollar fashion empire that was just profiled by WWD. People are buying her sh-t. A LOT of it. Shoes, jeans, prom dresses, and now they’re looking into going storefront. Around the world. She says she wants to be the new “Ralph Lauren”.

Oh yeah and she’s apparently all into “art” now:

“My fiancé is really into art, and I am, as well. We’ve been watching a lot of fun documentaries and going to art galleries and hanging out with some cool painters.”

Speaking of that golddigger, both Porny and her ma say he won’t be getting in on the business. No, of course not. Why would he want to work? Eric is too busy “meditating”:

“Eric’s a great guy. He’s taking art classes at UCLA. He’s very artistic. It’s nice to have an artistic athlete. You don’t find that too much. We’re very relaxed. It takes a lot to get us stressed out. We talk through everything. You’ll see him off in the corner, and what’s Eric doing? He’s just meditating.”

Tori Spelling’s husband must be kicking himself for missing out. If only he’d waited a couple more years, he could have landed a much better jackpot with real meaty breasts.

To read the entire WWD piece on Jessica Simpson click here.

Photos from

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