Disco Porny can’t multitask

December 1, 2009 07:47:05 Posted at December 1, 2009 07:47:05
Lainey Posted by Lainey

You know I have a soft spot for Jessica Simpson. She makes mistakes, she says stupid sh-t, she will always choose cheap over classy, but it also seems wrong to hate on someone so dumb. There are good intentions underneath those breasts. It just takes a lot of patience to get through the dead air to find them.

Porny was in New York last night to support her sister’s Broadway debut in Chicago. As you can see, she had trouble walking. Probably because she was trying to talk at the same time. And also think good thoughts for Ashlee, bless her. So she almost tripped over a puddle. Poor thing cannot multitask. It’s either walk only or talk only, but never both together.

Oh but she is exhausting, non?

Jessica Simpson is not yet 30. Not yet 30 and dressing 45 and Texas forever. Please. If I were her age again, 29 years old, there will be some style happening. And not the tacky sh-t she can’t seem to avoid. What is that business around her ankles? Is it part of the shoe? I’ve seen the girls wearing shoes like these. Girls wearing shoes like these generally don’t mind the Ed Hardy douches. Friends don’t let friends wear shoes like these and talk to Ed Hardy douches. I fear that’s where Porny is heading. I reach out to her but she cannot hear.

Also attaching photos of that creepy Joe Simpson who appears to have lost some weight and is now working some kind of Hoff vibe. There. That’ll help you resist those cookies today.


Photos from Wenn.com and Jackson Lee/Splashnewsonline.com

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