Please. Stop. Talking.

August 28, 2008 07:05:18 Posted at August 28, 2008 07:05:18
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Porny… please!

A new week, a new example – Jessica Simpson needs a girlfriend. But I can’t be there every minute of every day, watching her every move, correcting every cocked up thing she says. At some point she has to learn independence. You have to let them fly on their own. Unfortunately she’s clearly not ready.

Or… she may be that rare case, she may never be ready. She may be too dumb to be ready.

As you know, Porny’s country album drops in 2 weeks. Somehow Pervy Joe was able to secure her a People cover. Needless to say, the magazine wanted a dishy interview. And she obliged. In the process, sacrificing her own heart and worse still, any remaining vestige of pride. All for a boy. Always for a boy.

"I just told (Tony) today, 'You're the love of my life.’ I don't really ever say that to anybody."

People who can’t think for themselves will probably call it sweet. Bitches like me… we call it f7cking stupid. Not only the part about him being “the love of her life” which is scary in and of itself, but that it had to be QUALIFIED by her emphasising that she doesn’t ever say that to anybody.

Why do girls throw this sh*t around like it’s something profound?

It’s inane. It’s redundant.


Want more Fail?

Jess tells the magazine that in order to prove her devotion and her singlehearted devoted to Tony, she’s changed all her contact information, her cell phone number, her email, every form of communication completely wiped out so as to limit access from former lovers:

"I don't want anybody that's been in my life [before] in my life anymore. I don't even want them to have any way of contacting me."

Cut off goes two ways?

Of course not.

She admits that TONY HAS NOT DONE THE SAME. She also says it doesn’t bother her:

“I’m not a jealous girlfriend.”

And still, Jessica claims that after falling out with John Mayer, "I had to regain self-esteem and self-value."

Self esteem = titty tops and self value = hooker heels.

Sigh. This girl needs girlfriend bootcamp. Minimum 2 weeks.

Why isn’t this a reality show yet?

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