Porny’s “jampacked” schedule

December 16, 2013 16:37:45 Posted at December 16, 2013 16:37:45
Lainey Posted by Lainey

It’s the holidays. So, time to eat, and time for the weight loss companies to exploit your eating guilt. And Porny’s the face of it. Every time you feel bad about all those scalloped potatoes, just think of Jessica Simpson – and if she can do it, you can too!

Porny’s pushing Weight Watchers Christmas right now. A new interview just appeared this morning on USA Today mixing pregnancy with food points. So that’s how they’re drawing you in. Let’s talk about babies! And while we’re talking about babies, let’s commiserate about fat…and how to get rid of it. That’s empowering!

Blah blah blah she reveals what she ate when she was pregnant. Blah blah blah she shares how she’s all about feeling comfortable in her own body. Blah blah blah she wants to be the “best version” of herself – by talking about weight! Blah blah blah she confirms that Weight Watchers is working for her – surprise!

Will it work for you? Well…since you’re just like Jess, of course it will. After all, she has…

"Somebody who comes in and helps out. I do want to make sure I stick with the right recipes, and obviously my schedule is a little jampacked."

F-ck me. And all this time I thought that she just sat around farting all day. But it turns out Porny’s “schedule is a little jampacked”.

The magic word here, with celebrities like Porny and Alba, and everyone who’s jamming their lifestyle dick into your mouth these days is “relatable”. Where celebrities are concerned then, they’re starting with an oxymoron. Because the only people they’re actually relatable to are themselves. Jessica Simpson can relate to Jessica Alba but can those Jessicas relate to Jessica Chow of Winnipeg, Manitoba or Big Horn, Wyoming?

Click here for more from Porny in USA Today.

Here’s a photo of Porny that she posted on Twitter.

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