The First Couple of Fail

January 27, 2009 11:45:10 Posted at January 27, 2009 11:45:10
Lainey Posted by Lainey

There is no hate-on for Porny. Quite the opposite actually. Over time, my black ass heart has opened for Jessica Simpson out of sheer pity. She doesn’t mean unwell. She’s not poorly intentioned. But she was raised, well, you know, by a dude who freely talks about her D cups. And without friends, without girls like us, she really never had a chance to be a girl like us.

You thought it couldn’t get any worse…

More Fail.

Just like her boyfriend. Tony Romo sucks. Sh-tty season, and totally undeserving of his big ass contract. Even Troy Aikman is calling him out on his Fail.

Now my sources tell me Jessica’s getting dumped by her label. Like, she’s singing at country music chili fairs, you know? It’s not just bad. It’s epic bad. And it’ll never get better until she stops surrounding herself with idiots who can’t train her properly. Who can’t edumacate her. Who will only indulge her. A team so unaware and incompetent they demanded the other day, at the chili fair, that she perform in a better position than proven country music artists with #1 hits … like Alan Jackson.


Word is she was rushing off to see her man.

Honey-child, you need to learn…

You need to be told.

These Hollywood twats, they don’t know the truth. They must know the truth. Jessica Simpson must understand how low she has become. She must learn gratitude. And humility. But the same people who squished her in those high waisted diaper jeans will not give it to her straight up. Which is why she’s walking around like a sausage. No one bothered to tell her.


These photos.

They just keep giving.

You must know I associate with bitches. So of course all we’ve been doing the last 24 hours is texting back and forth about the Porny Pants. Don’t lie. I’m sure you and your girls had a moment over them too.

Here are a few more shots. I’m particularly fond of the one of her taken from behind sticking her ass out while singing her heart out.

Bless her.

Photos from

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