You Can’t Save Stupid
Written by Sarah
Lainey and I fight over which media-hungry actress is worth saving from herself. She supports Jessica Simpson, saying that you can’t fix someone who sucks, but I say that you also can’t save stupid. With JSimp, it isn’t that she willfully takes the easy way out or makes poor choices; it’s just that she’s dumb. I had a dog called Sneaker when I was a kid, and he was my best friend. He was little, so at night he would sleep on my pillow. I loved Sneaker, and we were inseparable. Except Sneaker was dumb. He was impossible to train because no matter how well he did in obedience school, he forgot the commands by the end of the day. And forget housebreaking. He couldn’t tell the difference between grass and carpet. We ended up giving Sneaker away. You can try to train dumb, and hope and pray that the lessons stick, but at the end of the day, turn your back for one second and dumb is going to do something dumb.
Here’s Jessica Simpson out in Rome with her new man, Eric, and arriving back in LAX. These dresses are a horror. I am not making fun of Jessica’s body—she looks healthy and happy and that’s great. I am, however, totally going to make fun of her clothes. How do you make a halter dress un-sexy? Put it on Jessica Simpson. Somehow she makes these dresses look like halter muumuus. And the animal print! My mom had that dress in 1984. It was her “house clothes” and if the doorbell rang she ran back to change before any company could see her wearing it. As for the night-out mesh dress, I will refrain from the tirade and settle for—JC Penney’s Special Occasion department had a sale.
That’s the problem with JSimp. She’s cheap. It’s bad taste combined with a lack of class and she’s too dumb to be trained for better, so everything she wears ends up looking cheap. You know these dresses are not low budget. Yet everything ends up looking like a clearance special. And there’s no fixing that.
Written by Sarah
Photos from Bauergriffinonline.com and Flynetonline.com and Hot Shots Worldwide/Splashnewsonline.com