Jessica Simpson Gossip

Jessica Simpson gossip, latest news, photos, and video.

What a difference…

January 29, 2009 06:48:08 Posted at January 29, 2009 06:48:08
Lainey Posted by Lainey

My girl Porny arriving in Virginia yesterday after a sh-tstorm this week over her body. Have always said, Jessica Simpson is at her best casual, with minimum makeup and natural(ish) hair. On these occasions, usually at airports, she is a knockout. SO pretty. Unfortunately, as a result of her low classy taste, and her dumbass hairstylist Ken Paves, the stage Jess is always too loud, too poufy, too tranny, too Porny, too high-waisted, and two belts. Full Story

Size 2 is everywhere

January 28, 2009 13:15:34 Posted at January 28, 2009 13:15:34
Lainey Posted by Lainey

This Porny Simpson business… As you know, these photos have made headlines everywhere. Like if the Brange hadn’t come along to show off the family in Tokyo, Porny’s pictures would have been the top story all week long. But no one beats the Brange. For the record, in the original article here posted on Monday, I wrote very clearly that “Jessica Simpson has a lovely body. Full Story

The First Couple of Fail

January 27, 2009 11:45:10 Posted at January 27, 2009 11:45:10
Lainey Posted by Lainey

There is no hate-on for Porny. Quite the opposite actually. Over time, my black ass heart has opened for Jessica Simpson out of sheer pity. She doesn’t mean unwell. She’s not poorly intentioned. But she was raised, well, you know, by a dude who freely talks about her D cups. And without friends, without girls like us, she really never had a chance to be a girl like us. Full Story

Porny Happy New Year!

January 26, 2009 08:15:00 Posted at January 26, 2009 08:15:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

You know the photo. The Classic Jessica Simpson High Waisted Photo. It made our lives. It continues to make our lives. On a rainy day. If work is the sh-ts. If your mother won’t get off your ass about sending her to Vegas for her birthday… There’s Porny in her pants giving us a reason to live again. Full Story

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Porny so happy

January 7, 2009 16:34:07 Posted at January 7, 2009 16:34:07
Lainey Posted by Lainey

As her friend, I’m happy for her. Like the good friend vibes are working, you know? Just because we don’t speak, doesn’t mean the energy isn’t there. Celebrities talk about “energy” all the time. We’ve all been sending her the true friend energy, right? The energy to avoid high waisted pants. Full Story

Common-law Cowboy

January 6, 2009 12:00:29 Posted at January 6, 2009 12:00:29
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Tony Romo is very, very serious about Jessica Simpson. Because he’s implying that she’s much more than just a girlfriend. The message is that she’s almost a wife. Like a common-law wife, wifely enough to be included in the 2008 Cowboys Family Cookbook presented by “the wives of the Dallas Cowboys”. Full Story

Porny consolation

January 5, 2009 07:29:32 Posted at January 5, 2009 07:29:32
Lainey Posted by Lainey

She’s actually not porny at all here. What she is is very, very pretty. Always pretty when she’s not tackied up. Jessica accompanied Tony Romo back to Dallas this weekend after celebrating new year’s in Miami, trying to help him forget about his embarrassing three turnovers that led to the Cowboys loss to the Philadelphia Eagles that kept them out of the playoffs. Full Story

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Sexier in sweats

December 9, 2008 11:13:45 Posted at December 9, 2008 11:13:45
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Not saying it to sound like a bra burner either. To me, this is Porny at her sexiest. Super casual, dressed down, no makeup to trannify her features – Jessica Simpson has a pretty face. A very pretty face. She doesn’t need to hitch her tits up to her eyeballs or Texas curl her hair, so when she strips down the adornments, the real Jess is the most attractive Jess. Full Story

Porny smells Fancy

December 8, 2008 06:47:18 Posted at December 8, 2008 06:47:18
Lainey Posted by Lainey

What is it with celebrity fragrances? Why do I want to stank like Porny? Or Chicken Fried Britney? Or Ebola Hilton? Or, for that matter, Victoria Beckham’s concrete tits? I don’t care how good it smells. I don’t f-cking care if it smells like Jim Sturgess in the morning when he’s lying in my bed. Full Story

Porny at the Bingo

November 14, 2008 12:53:00 Posted at November 14, 2008 12:53:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

The caption that accompanied these photos reads as follows:Jessica Simpson singing at San Manuel Bingo and Casino. Bless her heart… she’s singing at the Bingo. Photos from  Full Story

Country Wax

November 13, 2008 07:58:58 Posted at November 13, 2008 07:58:58
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Carrie Underwood won big last night at the CMAs. She also changed, like, 45 times. And each time she came out, she still looked like her wax figure so in the style department, she’s not exactly kicking Porny Simpson’s ass… As for that mall hair I mentioned in reference to Taylor Swift – straight on top, curly on bottom – perfect example right here on Country’s biggest bitch whose ego, if you can believe it, is actually heavier and more volatile, than her hair. Full Story