Jessica Simpson Gossip

Jessica Simpson gossip, latest news, photos, and video.

Kiki in a bikini

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 5, 2007 12:00:00 March 5, 2007 12:00:00

Used to hate her, now I"ve learned to love her bitch. Does she have the most attractive body? Clearly…no. Tits are too saggy for a young lass, not a lot of shape, certainly not the finest ass I’ve ever seen but I’m not going to slag her for being pale. Pale is better than the colour of Paris Hilton, pale is a hella better than skin cancer, and the best part about Kiki actually is that she’s not perfect. Full Story

The Daily John Mayer: Djimon Hounsou

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 5, 2007 12:00:00 March 5, 2007 12:00:00

Fans of John Mayer have been lamenting his love choice for weeks – how can he still stand for what he stood for with that bimbo on his tour bus? And although I understood the pain, not being a fan of his, I did not feel the pain. I did not feel that kind of pain until now - until Djimon Hounsou, the molten lava piece of loin quiveration known as Djimon Hounsou, started stepping out with Kimora Lee Simmons. Full Story

Best Just Missed: Cameron Diaz

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 26, 2007 12:00:00 February 26, 2007 12:00:00

After seeing her in person, I’m considering never calling her a Hermy again. And this hurts me. It hurts me more than you will ever know. Because I love Hermy Cam and my smutty existence just isn’t the same without Hermy Cam. But for the sake of objectivity, in real life, Cameron Diaz is actually quite feminine. Full Story

The Versatile Michelle Williams

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 24, 2007 12:00:00 February 24, 2007 12:00:00

Selma Blair did it not too long ago, Michelle Williams is rockin’ the pixie too. And I have to tell you – I think she looks amazing. She’s a bitch…but amazing nonetheless. Why? Because it’s not generic. And it’s not Jessica Simpson. And it totally works with her face. Not for everyone, absolutely. Full Story

Michelle Williams Goes Short

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 15, 2007 12:00:00 February 15, 2007 12:00:00

Everyone going short? Selma Blair, Renee Zellweger, now Michelle Williams. Personally, I think every woman has to try it at least once in a lifetime. I stupidly did it at the worst time = when all 4 of my wisdom teeth came out, ended up looking terminally ill after losing 10 pounds in a week. But then it grew out a little and looked like Gwyneth – remember this? Sorry, I digress. Full Story

The Daily Rossum: Jess & John after Grammy

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 12, 2007 12:00:00 February 12, 2007 12:00:00

Not a prom photo. Or the kind of shot that comes when you buy a new picture frame. This is Jessica Simpson gazing adoringly at John Mayer at the Sony/BMG party last night post-Grammys. As you can see, he is staring adoringly back. In fact, he’s not only staring, it actually looks like he’s leering. Full Story

Best Anti-Jessica: Carrie Underwood

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 12, 2007 12:00:00 February 12, 2007 12:00:00

Rumoured to be a hardcore bitch but hey – at least she’s a professional. Carrie Underwood won the award for New Artist of the Year. She also performed during a tribute and shocker of shockers – she managed to remember all the words. Unlike Jessica Simpson who, if you recall, couldn’t hold her sh-t together at the Kennedy Center Honours for Dolly Parton. Full Story

The Grammys

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 12, 2007 12:00:00 February 12, 2007 12:00:00

Girls ruled the Grammys. Mary, Dixie, and JT trumped by Mayer during the main telecast. He might deny it but you bet your boob job Little Pip is feelin’ the sting, though is it just me or is John Mayer morphing into Jessica Simpson? There was something so eerie about him tonight… I’m telling you – dude looked positively… Plastic. Full Story

BAFTA Prom: Thandie Newton

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 12, 2007 12:00:00 February 12, 2007 12:00:00

Could be worse, I suppose. Mariah Carey could have been wearing it. Or Jessica Simpson. Or even Victoria Beckham. There could have been tits pouring out and pink lipstick and a Ken Paves weave to paint the whole thing trailer. But an atrocity on Thandie Newton doesn’t seem so atrocious – usually so delicate and beautiful and flawless and while this is a huge, prom pouffy disappointment, it’s also not that bad. Full Story

Jessica Simpson: new brown, still tranny

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 8, 2007 12:00:00 February 8, 2007 12:00:00

Ken Paves is at it again. I call this Hope Hair. You ever watch Days of Our Lives? I watched in the glory 80s, stopped after tenth grade. Bo and Hope – my favourite couple. Kristian Alfonso was Eva Longoria before Eva Longoria. Loved her. Then she dropped a ton of weight and put in some scary ass tits, though I heard she’s since chilled out a bit. Full Story

The Daily BitchSlap: Janice Min on Jessica Simpson

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 7, 2007 12:00:00 February 7, 2007 12:00:00

Us Weekly’s new cover – forget about that diet nonsense, look instead at the caption under the Plastic Surgery headline: good job for Jen and Jessica Simpson’s “Scary!” new face. Hee. Inside a blow by blow analysis of what she may have done, including pulling up the eyelids, thinning out the nose, cheek injections, and some sort of lip plumpage similar to the Restalyne treatment she had before. Full Story