Jessica Simpson Gossip

Jessica Simpson gossip, latest news, photos, and video.

Thursday, September 21, 2006 Dear gossips, So according to Splash News Angelina and Brad dropped $400K on Banksy the other day after attending his art show last week, laying claim to several pieces including a bust with a bullet hole in the forehead and a sketch of what looks to be the Pitts themselves picnicing in the jungle being observed by tribesfolk. Back in the real world, I arrived home on Sunday to an early birthday present: a beautiful painting in aggressive crimson accessorised dramatically by long stem red roses and a spotless apartment. Do you think Brad Pitt cleans the house? And do you think Brad Pitt plays video games? Because along with the art gift came a self gift…a brand new Xbox 360 to celebrate another season of the NY Jets sucking ass. His favourite team and Madden Football obsessively for 2 weeks, no conversation, no marriage quality time, until he finally comes up for air. Angelina gets a man on a motorcyle, I get a man on a game console, and a free pass from having babies. I"m thinkin" I"m ahead…you? In today"s issue: Britney cuts corners, Britney cuts fat, the philanthropic Pitts, the helpless Jessica Simpson, the raging Renee, speaking up for Gwynnie, pro-love for supermodel sag, and the Lilo infects the Cam.

Defending Madge

Lainey Posted by Lainey at September 20, 2006 12:00:00 September 20, 2006 12:00:00

Is it really that bad? I don"t think it"s bad at all. In fact, I actually think it"s chic, a nice change, way better than tacky ass, long curly weaves (Jessica Alba), way better than soccer mom bobs (Jessica Simpson), and much much better than soap opera helmets sprayed on with no movement (Eva Longoria). Full Story

Jessica Simpson: smart move #1

Lainey Posted by Lainey at September 8, 2006 12:00:00 September 8, 2006 12:00:00

Well well. Looks like she"s not completely hopeless after all. And it also looks like she might have taken that my bit of advice to heart from the other day: "Time for a new team, honey. Starting with the father. In fact, get rid of ALL the men in your life and give Stephen Huvane call. That man has done wonders with mediocrity in the name of Aniston…can you imagine what he’d do with you???" Full text here Full Story

Jessica’s Downward Spiral

Lainey Posted by Lainey at September 7, 2006 12:00:00 September 7, 2006 12:00:00

I’d say it’s time for an emergency Simpson Summit, wouldn’t you? I mean at this point, even I’m feeling a little sorry for the poor little twat. And if the bleeding doesn’t stop, I fear we might have another Hollywood breakdown on our hands. Let’s consider her recent string of humiliations, in no particular order, shall we? - Nick finds a girlfriend. Full Story

The Daily Hairapy: Jessica Simpson

Lainey Posted by Lainey at September 6, 2006 12:00:00 September 6, 2006 12:00:00

If you"re going to chew me out for selling out, read this first, because selling out for Sunsilk once every few weeks pays for my bitch and it pays for gaygays and it pays for snarky smut- so will you forgive and excuse it and help a girl out? And will you direct your ire instead at Jessica Simpson? What gives this girl the right to sell extensions? To sell hair??? Would you want hair like this??? It"s poofy and flat in all the wrong places, it"s Sally Field 30 years too young, it"s natural, it"s white trash bob, it"s tacky ass crap, and it Does. Full Story

Jessica Simpson: Suck "n" Sprinkle

Lainey Posted by Lainey at August 31, 2006 12:00:00 August 31, 2006 12:00:00

If you"re one of those prudish types, STOP READING NOW. And consider yourself warned. Otherwise, don"t be bitching to my inbox about crass and crude and blah blah blah. After all, smut is nothing if it ain"t dirty. Right then. About this Jessica Simpson/John Mayer hook up/publicity stunt/whatever. Full Story

Jessica & John: a love well timed

Lainey Posted by Lainey at August 30, 2006 12:00:00 August 30, 2006 12:00:00

Funny how in Hollywood a romance begins right when there happens to be something to sell. Total coincidence, zero conspiracy…right? Still…this one kinda tickles, so what the hell, if I played along for Nicole & Keith, why not play along for Jessica Simpson and John Mayer, especially when both Us Weekly and People Magazine are reporting that it"s legit, that new love is in bloom, that they exchanged saliva and a raging case of laryngitis - what"s not to love??? I know this is hurting many of you. Full Story

Jessica Simpson: why big is bad

Lainey Posted by Lainey at August 30, 2006 12:00:00 August 30, 2006 12:00:00

So you know my stance against big boobs, right? Quick recap - I have "em, I hate "em, if I had the courage, I"d lop "em off and risk divorce. Mostly because they"re a motherf&ckin" nuisance. But also because in my humble opinion, clothes look better on a board. Case in point - check out Jessie leaving TRL today. Full Story

Worst Dressed: Vanessa Minnillo

Lainey Posted by Lainey at August 28, 2006 12:00:00 August 28, 2006 12:00:00

Don’t ask me what she was doing there. I have no idea. Nor do I care. But I’m beginning to think she’s bitten off a bit too much Jessica and can’t find her way home. What in the name of good taste is this??? Tacky, loud, cheap, this sh*t is worse than a regular mall…this sh*t is what I call Chinese Mall, and if you’ve never had the pleasure, I suggest you drive out to a suburb and get your groove on. Full Story

The Gospel of The Karl

Lainey Posted by Lainey at August 25, 2006 12:00:00 August 25, 2006 12:00:00

In the upcoming issue of Harper"s Bazaar, the world"s most fashionable manorexic has weighed in on celebrity - Lagerfeld Lessons that you best heed before he bitchbeats you with his fan. On Jessica Simpson: Ecch. I"m not that impressed. I"m not that interested. I"m not that impressed. Lagerfeld Lesson #1: Curvy southern bimbos with big breasts and soft knees made for c*cks are so not chic. Full Story

Jess & Ken: Like Fag, Like Hag

Lainey Posted by Lainey at August 23, 2006 12:00:00 August 23, 2006 12:00:00

I"m starting to have a crisis of confidence about Jessica Simpson. Is it just me? It must just be me. Maybe I"m the one with low classy taste. Maybe I"m the only one who fails to see the brilliance in all of this. Because if you ask me... who in their right f&cking mind would approve of these promo shots??? Especially the threeway. Full Story