Jessica Simpson Gossip

Jessica Simpson gossip, latest news, photos, and video.

Jessica Simpson: smart move #1

September 8, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at September 8, 2006 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Well well. Looks like she"s not completely hopeless after all. And it also looks like she might have taken that my bit of advice to heart from the other day: "Time for a new team, honey. Starting with the father. In fact, get rid of ALL the men in your life and give Stephen Huvane call. That man has done wonders with mediocrity in the name of Aniston…can you imagine what he’d do with you???" Full text here Full Story

Jessica’s Downward Spiral

September 7, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at September 7, 2006 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

I’d say it’s time for an emergency Simpson Summit, wouldn’t you? I mean at this point, even I’m feeling a little sorry for the poor little twat. And if the bleeding doesn’t stop, I fear we might have another Hollywood breakdown on our hands. Let’s consider her recent string of humiliations, in no particular order, shall we? - Nick finds a girlfriend. Full Story

The Daily Hairapy: Jessica Simpson

September 6, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at September 6, 2006 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

If you"re going to chew me out for selling out, read this first, because selling out for Sunsilk once every few weeks pays for my bitch and it pays for gaygays and it pays for snarky smut- so will you forgive and excuse it and help a girl out? And will you direct your ire instead at Jessica Simpson? What gives this girl the right to sell extensions? To sell hair??? Would you want hair like this??? It"s poofy and flat in all the wrong places, it"s Sally Field 30 years too young, it"s natural, it"s white trash bob, it"s tacky ass crap, and it Does. Full Story

Worst EVER: Jessica Simpson

September 1, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at September 1, 2006 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Sweet. Mother. Of. Karl. Lagerfeld – where is that bitchbeating fan when you need it??? I think we can all agree that Jessica Simpson is not a large woman. Far from it. But when she doesn’t dress to flatter her body, when she picks tits over hips and decides to eliminate her waist, the resulting effect is the worst possible fashion crime ever. Full Story

Jessica Simpson: Suck "n" Sprinkle

August 31, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at August 31, 2006 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

If you"re one of those prudish types, STOP READING NOW. And consider yourself warned. Otherwise, don"t be bitching to my inbox about crass and crude and blah blah blah. After all, smut is nothing if it ain"t dirty. Right then. About this Jessica Simpson/John Mayer hook up/publicity stunt/whatever. Full Story

Jessica & John: a love well timed

August 30, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at August 30, 2006 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Funny how in Hollywood a romance begins right when there happens to be something to sell. Total coincidence, zero conspiracy…right? Still…this one kinda tickles, so what the hell, if I played along for Nicole & Keith, why not play along for Jessica Simpson and John Mayer, especially when both Us Weekly and People Magazine are reporting that it"s legit, that new love is in bloom, that they exchanged saliva and a raging case of laryngitis - what"s not to love??? I know this is hurting many of you. Full Story

Jessica Simpson: why big is bad

August 30, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at August 30, 2006 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

So you know my stance against big boobs, right? Quick recap - I have "em, I hate "em, if I had the courage, I"d lop "em off and risk divorce. Mostly because they"re a motherf&ckin" nuisance. But also because in my humble opinion, clothes look better on a board. Case in point - check out Jessie leaving TRL today. Full Story

Worst Dressed: Vanessa Minnillo

August 28, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at August 28, 2006 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Don’t ask me what she was doing there. I have no idea. Nor do I care. But I’m beginning to think she’s bitten off a bit too much Jessica and can’t find her way home. What in the name of good taste is this??? Tacky, loud, cheap, this sh*t is worse than a regular mall…this sh*t is what I call Chinese Mall, and if you’ve never had the pleasure, I suggest you drive out to a suburb and get your groove on. Full Story

The Gospel of The Karl

August 25, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at August 25, 2006 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

In the upcoming issue of Harper"s Bazaar, the world"s most fashionable manorexic has weighed in on celebrity - Lagerfeld Lessons that you best heed before he bitchbeats you with his fan. On Jessica Simpson: Ecch. I"m not that impressed. I"m not that interested. I"m not that impressed. Lagerfeld Lesson #1: Curvy southern bimbos with big breasts and soft knees made for c*cks are so not chic. Full Story

Jess & Ken: Like Fag, Like Hag

August 23, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at August 23, 2006 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

I"m starting to have a crisis of confidence about Jessica Simpson. Is it just me? It must just be me. Maybe I"m the one with low classy taste. Maybe I"m the only one who fails to see the brilliance in all of this. Because if you ask me... who in their right f&cking mind would approve of these promo shots??? Especially the threeway. Full Story

Most Surprising: Nelly Furtado

August 21, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at August 21, 2006 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Clever striping on a girl with a booty and shocker of shockers – she didn’t look wide…doesn’t that deserve at least a snap? Love the juicy booty, love the well proportioned body, that her legs aren’t pins, that everything balances out so evenly, that despite the fact that this dress clings to every inch of her, she doesn’t look like she’d be open to a gangbang right after the show. Full Story