Jessica Simpson Gossip

Jessica Simpson gossip, latest news, photos, and video.

The uninspired work of Ken Paves

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 22, 2006 12:00:00 June 22, 2006 12:00:00

Ken Paves is Jessica Simpson’s main gay, also known as her hairstylist. As it turns out, Ken also does Eva Longoria. Thing is, I’m sure Ken is talented and I’m sure he’s coiffed and created some beautiful manes in the past, but going purely from these 2 subjects alone, I’m thinking he might want to recruit some new clients. Full Story

Jessica’s Maxim tits

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 16, 2006 12:00:00 June 16, 2006 12:00:00

Have you seen her Maxim cover? Love the caption “The World’s Most Horrifying Pets” right next to her big ass wig. Love it! In the article she talks about her kissing style, her flirting style – something about doing a shoulder shimmy which, when you think about it, really is a crock of sh*t. Because we all know her flirting style has more to do with dropping on her knees than any kind of innocent body language. Full Story

The Firecrotch & the War on all fronts

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 14, 2006 12:00:00 June 14, 2006 12:00:00

Seems my girl Lohan is engaged in not one but two full scale catfights against a couple of equally lascivious opponents. On the left there"s Paris Hilton who, according to Page Six, is still holding a grudge about Lindsay"s shortlived romp with her Greek Giant. Full Story

Nick Lachey"s promising summer

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 13, 2006 12:00:00 June 13, 2006 12:00:00

Freedom from the Simpsons, a hit record, overwhelming sympathy, and now one of the hottest girls on the block? Well, well, well…it looks like Team Lachey"s strategy is paying off in spades. Or brunettes. Sorry, lame joke. But still. How can you deny the brilliance of his campaign? While Jessica has been universally ridiculed since their "public" split 6 months ago, Nick has emerged virtually unscathed. Full Story

Mariah Carey: on weight loss & boob sag

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 11, 2006 12:00:00 June 11, 2006 12:00:00

Life & Style – SO reliable – is claiming that Mimi is claiming that she lost 30 pounds in 4 months. WTF??? She wasn’t a stick insect but by no means was her jiggle out of control. THIRTY POUNDS? Bitch didn’t need to lose 30 pounds. And something tells me 30 pounds is a bit of an exaggeration. Anyway, here’s the female Hoff looking svelte at LA Reid’s 50th birthday party over the weekend. Full Story

Most Manly: Jessica Simpson

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 6, 2006 12:00:00 June 6, 2006 12:00:00

Stumpy legs went to NYC and jammed her tits into a white Michael Kors. But here"s the problem with Jessie, aside from the obvious. The problem with Jessie is that her tits cheapen everything she wears. Which is why I think she"s an excellent candidate for breast reduction. The narrow sloping shoulders, the small waist, the short stubby legs - it"s a bad combination but just a one cup downsize would do wonders. Full Story

Sunday, June 4, 2006 Dear gossips, Seeing Pamela Anderson in the flesh at Fashion Cares was trippy. But that pales in comparison – for me anyway – to seeing an exboyfriend from Grade 10. I dated him AND his brother. Thank Goddess it wasn’t a fat day. He was coming down the escalator with the woman who I later learned was his wife, we made eye contact, he walked over, I could barely contain myself, we hugged, exchanged pleasantries…and then he called me Leslie. At which point I told him to leave. Then he said – Wait...Elaine! Apparently his brother was there as well. Lovely. As if things couldn’t get any worse, I proceeded to SPIT MY MINT out by accident while we were talking. And there isn’t a killer dress in the world that can save you from that kind of ass nation. Sigh. But back to Fashion Cares. And Pam. You think you know because you’ve seen her a thousand times in photos and you expect it to be the same and your inner bitch is foaming at the mouth ready to giv’er and then she walks in and she’s just a few feet away and – I’m telling you – she owns the room. She has that “it.” And those breasts? I know this is hard to believe, but they are BIGGER than they look in pictures. Let me qualify by saying it was a room full of reporters but still…when those massive mounds of manufactured mayhem barely contained by a skin right red dress make their entrance, you can’t help but want to snuggle in for a nap. It also doesn’t hurt that she can’t stop touching herself. Her hair, her body, she wiggles, she fidgets – I got kinda hot just watching her. And now I understand a little bit more. Why some men would shave a decade off their life just for one night. For me, however, the highlight of the night had to be getting cussed out ON CAMERA by a couple of drag queens backstage while a thousand naked models ran around looking hungry. It’s a moment you can see during my full report for eTalk tomorrow (Monday) night at 7pm. And if you don’t happen to live in Canada, check the eTalk site after the show. You should (I hope) find the clip and all my interviews online. In the meantime, it’s all about the MTV Movie Awards. Hosted by Jessica Alba (yawn) with a killer performance by Christina Aguilera and featuring an array of badly dressed celebrities for your viewing pleasure. Every star with something to promote showed up. Which brings us to the fashion wrap up – a great way to start your Monday, non? In today’s issue: MTV style musings, a study in Simpson, and Karl Lagerfeld heals the world. But first – a huge jump up and down giddy clap clap for Vince Vaughn. Just as I hoped for last week, his star is safe and his Break Up ruled the box office. A huge congratulations also to Jennifer Aniston who has succeeded yet again in hitching her Chin onto the back of a winning ride. Strategic loving is always a better play than strategic crying, don’t you think? As always, pics are on the site http://www.laineygossip.com/

Nick up, Jess down

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 1, 2006 12:00:00 June 1, 2006 12:00:00

Us Weekly is reporting that Nick has a new girl. Her name is Kim Kardashian, daughter of Robert, who you might remember as OJ"s lawyer. Kim looks hot. Hot and brunette and probably rich. Isn"t it ironic that in the intricate world of PR messaging, Nick Lachey"s the one who came out on top? Because even though I"m told he most definitely wanted out of the Family Simpson, playing the poor jilted card was bloody brilliant, worthy of our highest admiration. Full Story

The Daily Perverted: Jessica & Joe

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 14, 2006 12:00:00 May 14, 2006 12:00:00

Is it just me or did you throw up a little in your mouth? Here’s a former Baptist minister who knows his daughter’s cup size and has no qualms about wheeling and dealing her career towards a music video that shows her writhing around practically nekked on top of a muscle car. How many other fathers would be ok with that??? Jessica Simpson – the queen of inappropriate relationships. Full Story

Jessica Simpson: blonde again, single again

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 11, 2006 12:00:00 May 11, 2006 12:00:00

Thank Goddess it was just a budget wig although touching up those roots wouldn"t hurt either. Ken fag…where are you??? Check out Jess in NYC yesterday, apparently in town to record a few new tracks for her new album. Did you know her last release went double platinum? Who the f&ck is buying this sh*t??? Sorry. Full Story