Jessica Simpson Gossip

Jessica Simpson gossip, latest news, photos, and video.

Porny to judge?

March 4, 2011 07:47:17 Posted at March 4, 2011 07:47:17
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Porny was in New York last night with her freeloader and they went to dinner at a vegan restaurant, all part of her “get fit” plan as she’s supposedly working out 4 days a week for 75 minutes each time with the Tracy Anderson Method. Porny however denies that her motivation is a wedding or, for that matter, a new tv show: "Yes, I am working out, but why is that worth any sorta press? I always take care of myself. Full Story

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Porny's wedding mission

February 23, 2011 09:30:00 Posted at February 23, 2011 09:30:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Why does Porny hate the gym? Well, I can't say I love the gym. The gym isn't the funnest place ever. For Porny though, the gym sucks extra hard because, essentially, this is a lazy person with a lazy mind. If she had it her way, she'd sit on the couch and fart all day. Porny probably also isn't into the gym because it appears that her golddigger isn't going with her. Full Story

Can Porny look like GOOPy?

February 18, 2011 10:00:00 Posted at February 18, 2011 10:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Porny’s getting married this year. So she’s trying to lean out, get into her dress. Her last trainer was Harley Pasternak. But Harley’s connected to John Mayer. And besides, Porny wants to look like GOOP. Gwyneth’s body is aspirational? That’s actually a business plan. Full Story

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Rough night, Porners?

January 25, 2011 09:00:49 Posted at January 25, 2011 09:00:49
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Porny Jessica Simpson took her freeloader out for dinner last night. They went to Katsuya. Too much sake? He had to hold on to her to make sure she didn’t bail on those heels. But that is a crazy weave, non? And it’s actually not that bad either, comparatively speaking. Hers for example is far superior to Lilo’s and Fried Chicken Britney’s. Full Story

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Dumb Words

January 24, 2011 09:55:56 Posted at January 24, 2011 09:55:56
Lainey Posted by Lainey

My Porny, ONCE AGAIN, took to Twitter to express gratitude that Eric Johnson has agreed to live off her fortune. The other day, Jacek called me Toronto from Vancouver to get me to call our regular sushi place to order him takeout. It's because I talk to the staff in Chinese and he thinks they pack the rolls better as a result. Full Story

New Year, Same Porny

January 3, 2011 07:19:18 Posted at January 3, 2011 07:19:18
Lainey Posted by Lainey

When I saw these photos of my Porny on New Year’s Eve in Aspen with her golddigging future husband, I wondered whether or not I knew the meaning of real, profound love. The kind real, profound love that moves one to abandon all senses, especially sight, and waddle out of the house in reindeer tights like I don’t give a f-ck. Full Story

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A Very Porny Christmas

December 29, 2010 07:45:34 Posted at December 29, 2010 07:45:34
Lainey Posted by Lainey

My Porny Jessica Simpson just celebrated her first Christmas with golddigger Eric Johnson. According to her Twitter, they were at her parents’, and she called him the “perfect” addition. Because, even though she runs an almost billion dollar business, she’ll always be the second class citizen in a relationship. Full Story

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Worst of 2010: John Mayer in Playboy

December 9, 2010 14:37:00 Posted at December 9, 2010 14:37:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

This was the interview where he called Jessica Simpson sexual napalm. Totally offside and really, really disrespectful and I know this is wrong but every time I hear that expression now, SEXUAL NAPALM, I see Porny and her high waisted pants and, well, I chuckle. But it was – if anything –the only funny part of an interview that was terrifyingly stupid and offensive. Full Story

Porny isn’t pregnant, just drunk

December 2, 2010 10:48:51 Posted at December 2, 2010 10:48:51
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Remember when she looked like this and all you bumpwatch obsessed immediately concluded that she must be pregnant. Well... Is Jessica Simpson stupid enough to harm her baby with the drank? Debatable. But the people around her should probably be aware of the harmful effects that margaritas and tequila shots can have on an unborn child. Full Story

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Porny plays the Doctor Game & Sailor Suits

December 1, 2010 09:15:45 Posted at December 1, 2010 09:15:45
Lainey Posted by Lainey

My Porny Simpson’s engagement was the top story for, oh, maybe 5 minutes. Then Prince William came along and shot her ass off the front page. Swifty and Jakey kept her off too. Now the Brange is dominating the spotlight to sell their new projects... So what does a Porny do? Well, she has to fight for scraps, take whatever she can, talk to whoever will listen. Full Story

Porny Float

November 25, 2010 10:46:19 Posted at November 25, 2010 10:46:19
Lainey Posted by Lainey

She performed during the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade in New York today. Something from her new Christmas album. When I say “performed” I mean she tried really hard to mouth the words. And not forget them. This is not singing. But it is pretty funny. Especially when she scrunches up her nose on the high notes, as if she’s really working to hit them. Full Story

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