Douchey is sorry. Always sorry

February 11, 2010 06:54:00 Posted at February 11, 2010 06:54:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

John Mayer tweeted at New Year’s that he’d be taking some time to reflect, to cut off his Twitter musings, to try and tame his famewhore. That worked for about a week. Then he spoke to Rolling Stone and extolled the virtues of masturbation, revealing that he jerks off to his ex girlfriends all the time. After that interview, he declared he was done, that it was over, no more yapping to the media, no more shenanigans.

Not even a month later this Playboy article drops and once again he’s saying sorry, once again he’s insisting he just wants to make music and not statements. He did it on Twitter and he also did it on stage last night.

Do you believe him?

I don’t believe him.

I don’t believe him because John Mayer is and will always be a narcissist. Even his apologies are narcissistic. The apology was ALL ABOUT HIM. The band was for HIM. The band stood up for HIM. The band forgave HIM. The band loves HIM. The band respects HIM. The band is black so if they have embraced HIM than we should embrace HIM. Always HIM. Him, him, him, him, him.

Right now, it’s all about HIM.

He’s a racist, and it still helps HIM. It’s yet another reason for HIM to keep talking about HIM.

This is not sorry. This is selfish. This is self-involved. This is John Mayer. And this is a warning for Taylor Swift. Not that it will help because she’s 20 so the more you say don’t, she will automatically just do, but remember, apology or not, John Mayer is still This Guy:

“Because I want to show (a girl I’m with that) I’m not like every other guy. Because I hate other men. When I’m f-cking you, I’m trying to f-ck every man who’s ever f-cked you, but in his ass, so you’ll say “No one’s ever done that to me in bed. Here’s what I really want to do at 32: f-ck a girl and then, as she’s sleeping in bed, make breakfast for her. So she’s like, “What? You gave me five vaginal orgasms last night, and you’re making me a spinach omelet? You are the sh-t!” So she says, “I love this guy.” I say, “I love this girl loving me.” And then we have a problem. Because that entails instant relationship. I’m already playing house. And when I lose interest she’s going to say, “Why would you do that if you didn’t want to stick with me?”

So textbook, so common. John Mayer = an inferiority complex with a guitar.

As for the racism, much of the outrage seems to be focused on his use of the “n” word. TOTALLY offside. But his relegation of black women to second class citizen should be prompting equal outrage.

“I don’t think I open myself to (being with a black woman). My dick is sort of like a white supremacist. I’ve got a Benetton heart and a f-ckin’ David Duke cock. I’m going to start dating separately from my dick. I always thought Holly Robinson Peete was gorgeous. Every white dude loved Hilary from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. And Kerry Washington. She’s superhot, and she’s also white-girl crazy. Kerry Washington would break your heart like a white girl. Just all of a sudden she’d be like, “Yeah, I sucked his dick. Whatever.” And you’d be like, “What? We weren’t talking about that.” That’s what “Heartbreak Warfare” is all about, when a girl uses jealousy as a tactic.”

Makes you feel dirty just reading it.

And the truth is there are a lot of men who feel the same way John Mayer does. I don’t know what it’s like to be black, but I do know what it’s like to be Asian, when you know you’re either a fetish or a seen as just an animal. Most of them can’t hide it in their eyes. And it’s not only about sex either. As for dismissing it as a problem among the “uninformed”, well, it’s the INFORMED ones who perpetuate racism in its most dangerous form.

Not too long ago I spent an afternoon among friends. And a very well educated friend from a very proper family had recently found a cleaning service. She announced to us, while I was sitting in the room, oblivious to her own ignorance, that was especially relieved to have found a cleaning service with “caucasian” employees. So that foreign accents would not reverberate around the house. Children, you see, are impressionable. And broken English is contagious.

NB. My article yesterday on John Mayer was excerpted from Us Weekly and that reference article was focused on Jessica Simpson’s crack sex ass and Jennifer Aniston. There was no mention of race, and I’d yet to read the complete Playboy article until late last night after rehearsal. To read the complete Playboy John Mayer article, click here.

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