Bootycalling on his Blog

January 16, 2008 06:00:23 Posted at January 16, 2008 06:00:23
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Hate to gloat but…

It was reported last week that John Mayer the pissing douche was on the loose, having split from Minka Kelly. This is what I wrote at the time:

And now that Jessica Simpson is all over Tony Romo, maybe John is feeling a little slighted that it only took her 6 months to get over him. Is John bootycalling Jess? You know, nothing swells your balls more than being able to take a girl away from another guy…especially when the other guy is the star quarterback.

My smutty sense is tingling…


Now, in light of the hate that Dallas is levelling at Jessica Simpson on the heels of the Cowboys’ disappointing defeat on Sunday, John Mayer is very publicly defending his ex girlfriend – in a gesture that would otherwise be very sweet, if not motivated by the horny and the competitive, as John senses his adversary’s ego might be a little wounded. Love is ALL about the Animal Kingdom, see?

Mayer"s message below:

Dear Dallas and Surrounding Areas,

This isn"t a sports blog, and it isn"t a publicity stunt. (but have at me if it feels right.)

This is about doing what I think is right as a person, in this case speaking my mind.

I have never known anyone to have more pride in their home state and their upbringing in it than Jessica Simpson has in Texas. I don"t really follow sports, but I have played some of my biggest and best concerts in your state, and having witnessed how dynamic the spirit there is, I"m betting emotions are running high right about now.

All witty barbs, blogs, and fashion policing aside, that girl loves Texas more than you know. It"s one of her most defining traits as a person. So please don"t try and take that away from her. (You probably wouldn"t be able to, but it"s less work for all involved.)

I just thought it would mean something coming from the guy who has the absolute least to gain from this. And if I"m out of line in having written it, too bad. I can spare a Wednesday"s worth of bad press if it means sticking up for a good soul.


Why are pricks so predictable? And why are some girls so dumb? Bet your fake tits Jess is moved by John’s lovenote. Bet your hair weave she’s also pathetic enough to use it to make Tony Romo jealous. Because Jessica Simpson is That Girl. And it’s the kind of lame ass move her father would be proud of.

Attached – a favourite photo from the past. Jess and John at the Costume Institute Gala in NYC May 2007. As you recall, her tranny was in full bloom that night and her tacky sh*t was oozing all over the place, out from every seam of her Cavalli dress. He broke up with her shortly thereafter.

But that expression on her face makes my life.

Photo from

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