Looking for a Place to Pee

October 12, 2007 00:00:00 Posted at October 12, 2007 00:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

You will LOVE this… exclusive dish on John Mayer last night. Put it this way – if I were Minka Kelly, his supposed new girlfriend, I would NOT be assuming her relationship with him is serious. Not even close.

So he was hanging out at the Box last night with Sherrod Small from VH1’s Best Week Ever (who apparently only talks about the fact that he’s on VH1’s Best Week Ever) ogling women together and apparently really not looking so hot. The description on John was as follows: BAD skin. Worse hair. Lazy eye.

Anyway, the two eventually hook up with a couple of girls. They left together and then bizarrely went from hotel to hotel getting together with a few more buddies later on – hitting up at least 4 establishments including the Mercer in Soho and the W on Lexington – looking for accommodations that would suit their needs. Apparently they had in mind a suite with multiple private rooms so that each could … um… get it on with their partners at the same time but not at the same time.

This is how they roll, see?

On the plus side, John Mayer did not at any point pull out the douchebag “I’m John Mayer” card. Small mercies.

Weird thing is – he has an apartment in Soho… but instead chose to troll from hotel to hotel trying to organise a simultaneous sex session with his boys. Classy.

I’m told that after 4 stops, the girls eventually had enough and left without having been pee’d on while John and his entourage continued on into the night, hellbent on their mission to find a proper party place and more women.

And a final hilarious detail – John Mayer is That Guy. The guy who uses Big Words Gratuitously to Sound Important and Smart. Am told that at one point he was overheard saying to one of the girls:

“After masticating on this matter, I think this guy is retarded.”

After masticating on this matter, I think John Mayer is a douchebag.

But now I remember- that elusive comparison that’s been whispering at my smutty tingle for so long. For a long time he’s reminded me of someone… couldn’t put my finger on who….

The Breakfast Club. Anthony Michael Hall playing that science geek Brian Johnson. He talks like John Mayer, looks like John Mayer…IS John Mayer all grow’d up.

Which is why no matter how hot he looks in his Gap ads, he’ll always be the snot nosed dweeb at the back of the class ready to make up for a lifetime of high school f&cking now that he’s found fame.

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