Douche tv monologue

January 27, 2009 09:28:29 Posted at January 27, 2009 09:28:29
Lainey Posted by Lainey

You know John Mayer was That Kid, right? He was probably picked on in school, zitty, greasy, not down with the popular crowd…and has been carrying that around his whole life.

So now even though he’s a famous rock star, he’s still living looking backwards – every move is a giant “f-ck you” to those who shut him down in grade 10. Hopefully he’ll never outgrow it. Because it accounts for his douchebaggery, the douchebaggery that keeps us entertained.

Somehow a new video was leaked to TMZ. Of course. Click here to watch John as Stuart Smalley, or something. A self confidence building exercise. Perhaps it’s a clip from the pilot of his proposed television variety show, sure to be an exercise in vanity that exceeds even Ebola Hilton’s.

Whatever it is, it’s not funny. Which means I must not be clever enough. Because if I was clever enough, I would totally get it. Since I don’t get it, I can’t be part of his club. Too bad.

Somewhere in there he’s also trying to make a point about Brad Pitt and Benjamin Button. I think. But I’m not sure. It’s just so layered, you know? So profound. A mystery wrapped in a riddle shoved into Stephen Hawkin’s magic guitar. More complicated than an episode of Lost – this is the comic genius of John Mayer.

Here he is arriving at LAX yesterday…

Notice that since Marley & Me pulled in a strong box office, those “candids” of him with Jennifer Aniston have pretty much dried up?

Coincidence or conspiracy?

She’ll be making the rounds soon for He’s Just Not That Into You. Maybe that’s why he’s in LA.

Photos from and

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