John Mayer Gossip
John Mayer gossip, latest news, photos, and video.
When I saw Jessica Simpson in Cannes, she was already tighter than she’d been in months. Told me she was back on her extreme diet and work out plan in preparation for Major Movie Star which starts shooting in July. Shame to waste such energy on a sure box office bomb but as you can see, her hard work is paying off. Full Story
Am embarrassed. Call me Cruise but have to be honest… since his haircut, John Mayer has been crossing the Hot/Not Spectrum, gliding from Nasty Pasty to Surprisingly Sexy. Am I off my tree? Is it clever photography? Have a look – promo shots of a much prettier John…not enough to quiver but certainly enough to stare. Full Story
Jessica Simpson and John Mayer on a minibreak in Cabo the other day having what looks like a very serious discussion. She seems like she’s protesting the piss, he appears to be insisting on it as exchange for having to dumb his ass down. Apparently no resolution to the impasse. Is she finally growing a spine? Is she standing up to the Golden Shower and saying N-O, love me for who I am? Not for what you can urinate on? If so… respect. Full Story
Ummm…she might look a little less bunk and all but, as Dylan would say, trying to lance my Leo is crossing the line. Apparently it went down in Cannes. Last Saturday Jessica Simpson was following Leo around like a love sick tranny, desperately hoping he’d want a taste of her low budget cheese. Full Story
But first… I have to tell you about Joe. It was my first time seeing Papa Joe – total sleazy business vibe but the first thing I noticed…this nearly killed me… was his tie. For all the money he gets from pimping his girls, you’d think he could afford something more modern? Look at it! Nothing unsexier than a bad tie, non? OK… so back to Jess. Full Story
See what I meant earlier about letting in the riffraff? On the one hand there’s Juliette Binoche, on the other there’s this tranny, looking marginally improved last night in Cannes at the Louis Vuitton party but still far from there. The pattern – isn’t this what you’d slip over a bikini on the beach? Full Story
Not that I don’t think that he’s hot without the shaggy, because he totally is… but wow! Look at the cheekbones and the carefully tousled hair, even a little pout action goin’ on – the new John Mayer with a Hollywood Bimbo Makeover, here at the Costume Institute Gala and last night at the Time Magazine event, MUCH more stylish than that tranny he keeps pissing on, aesthetically definitely a huge improvement but… doesn’t that make the Simpson sting even a little more painful? First she spoiled his talent, spoiled his reputation as a cerebral, sensitive rocker, turning John Mayer into just another musician who thinks with his dick. Full Story
For the first Non-Story, click here. A thousand apologies to the sane among you who don’t give a rat’s ass. Also sorry about the asinity of this post. But I don’t exaggerate the rapacity of the lunatic McGoslings: hundreds and hundreds of emails flooding my inbox, losing their sh-t over the status of their favourite couple – so obsessed that they are practically living on message boards, overanalyzing comments, helping each other cope, and (disbelievingly enough) a few are posing as me or claiming private communication with me, and making statements and fabricating information to further their own theories about Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling resulting in even more emails flooding my inbox… absolutely NOT TRUE. Full Story
We were watching the hockey game last night. My husband’s team was protecting a one goal lead, the opposition had pulled their goaltender, and an inexperienced young player for the good side went for the empty net a bit too hastily, prompting this to fly out of my husband’s mouth:
“F*ck Burrows! Relax! Quit blowing yer load before her panties come off!”
Crude, yes. But a brilliant analogy nonetheless. Once in a while, you actually can learn from someone who was raised in a smelly locker-room. And on that classy note, how about the blind item that appeared in Gatecrasher this morning?
“Which blond bombshell, on a recent visit to Rome, became ill and soiled her bedsheets so badly that the hotel mattress had to be replaced? Also, “she and [her boyfriend] have a reputation for really dirty sex," says a snitch.”
If memory serves, Jessica Simpson and John Mayer vacationed together in Italy not too long ago, yes? And she had the flu one day, didn’t she? Which is why he ventured out alone with his camera? And does peeing on someone count as dirty?
Today is Wednesday, live blogging all day, check back often for fresh posts.
Yours in gossip,
Not that you didn’t already know but if you take a look at the double handful he gets to goose, in addition to a side order of fellatio courtesy of those Restylane-lips, it’s not hard to figure out why John Mayer has been shamed by his c*ck.Check out Jessica out on the town last night, Main ‘Mo in tow, squeezing herself into a tarty little outfit to hold herself over while John’s on tour in Toronto. Full Story
We all have irrational, totally unreasonable pet peeves. For me it’s turned-out feet. For my friend Erin it’s people who can’t close their mouths – illustrated perfectly by Prince William: beaver bucks, big lips, can’t inhale through his nose, FAR from sexy…which is why I think Kate Middleton is much better off. Who wants to get mouth-breathed on for the rest of her life by a prematurely balding, emotionally stunted “art history” major?
If you ask me, she escaped an excruciatingly boring life. Well done.
Weekend catch up to follow including the Pitts’ planned outing, Britney thin and loopy, and my Kiki in the land of Hello Kitty.
Monday – live blogging all day, check back often for fresh posts.
Yours in gossip,
PS. Another great Saturday Night Live. Fred Armisen’s Prince rendition never fails to kill me. But this week, the best sketch by far was the homage to John Mayer and Jessica Simpson. His spastic guitar playing, her spastic vocal gymnastics, and at the end, confirming what we all know: he’s a pig, she’s a hot piece of occasional tranny ass, and he enjoys pissing all over it. Click here for the clip - enjoy!