John Mayer Gossip
John Mayer gossip, latest news, photos, and video.
We were watching the hockey game last night. My husband’s team was protecting a one goal lead, the opposition had pulled their goaltender, and an inexperienced young player for the good side went for the empty net a bit too hastily, prompting this to fly out of my husband’s mouth:
“F*ck Burrows! Relax! Quit blowing yer load before her panties come off!”
Crude, yes. But a brilliant analogy nonetheless. Once in a while, you actually can learn from someone who was raised in a smelly locker-room. And on that classy note, how about the blind item that appeared in Gatecrasher this morning?
“Which blond bombshell, on a recent visit to Rome, became ill and soiled her bedsheets so badly that the hotel mattress had to be replaced? Also, “she and [her boyfriend] have a reputation for really dirty sex," says a snitch.”
If memory serves, Jessica Simpson and John Mayer vacationed together in Italy not too long ago, yes? And she had the flu one day, didn’t she? Which is why he ventured out alone with his camera? And does peeing on someone count as dirty?
Today is Wednesday, live blogging all day, check back often for fresh posts.
Yours in gossip,
Not that you didn’t already know but if you take a look at the double handful he gets to goose, in addition to a side order of fellatio courtesy of those Restylane-lips, it’s not hard to figure out why John Mayer has been shamed by his c*ck.Check out Jessica out on the town last night, Main ‘Mo in tow, squeezing herself into a tarty little outfit to hold herself over while John’s on tour in Toronto. Full Story
We all have irrational, totally unreasonable pet peeves. For me it’s turned-out feet. For my friend Erin it’s people who can’t close their mouths – illustrated perfectly by Prince William: beaver bucks, big lips, can’t inhale through his nose, FAR from sexy…which is why I think Kate Middleton is much better off. Who wants to get mouth-breathed on for the rest of her life by a prematurely balding, emotionally stunted “art history” major?
If you ask me, she escaped an excruciatingly boring life. Well done.
Weekend catch up to follow including the Pitts’ planned outing, Britney thin and loopy, and my Kiki in the land of Hello Kitty.
Monday – live blogging all day, check back often for fresh posts.
Yours in gossip,
PS. Another great Saturday Night Live. Fred Armisen’s Prince rendition never fails to kill me. But this week, the best sketch by far was the homage to John Mayer and Jessica Simpson. His spastic guitar playing, her spastic vocal gymnastics, and at the end, confirming what we all know: he’s a pig, she’s a hot piece of occasional tranny ass, and he enjoys pissing all over it. Click here for the clip - enjoy!
Petra Nemcova at the Brick Awards on Tuesday. By all accounts, she’s the sweetest thing. Very humble, very kind, very undeserving of the James Blunt treatment. I mean you’d think someone who looks THAT ugly, who looks like spoiled milk with bad teeth…you’d think he would just be grateful, non? Non. Full Story
Winners of the Juno Gift Bag, the Good Shepherd DVD, and the Entourage Box Sets have been contacted. Thanks so much for all your entries – more giveaways to come soon, including Little Children and The Queen herself.
Next up – John Mayer disease seems to be wildly contagious. Latest victim: Pete Wentz? Pushing back the Fall Out Boy tour only to be seen in LA hand in hand, night after night with Ashlee Simpson, making out in the dark, then grocery shopping in what looks like jammies the next morning – are the Simpson Sisters this generation’s version of Yoko Ono?
It’s Tuesday, am blogging all day, check back often for fresh posts…including a new riddle.
Yours in gossip,
PS. To readers in Canada…it’s only for one day. One day that pays for dirty, dirty smut AND keeps my bitch alive, one day, gone tomorrow but the gossip will live on… my endless thanks and love for your understanding.
PPS. Girl on the Verge – remember her? Good news is she’s managed to avoid rock bottom…for now. Dried out for a week though a new setback is causing much distress. Seems she’s been professionally replaced, the mentor has moved on. Which in the long run is a good thing. In the short term however, it’s more rejection and for someone so fragile, it could mean disaster. Let’s hope she stays strong. Will keep you posted.
John Mayer and Jessica Simpson at the beach in Australia – kissing, frolicking, and playing despite the obvious pappy presence capturing every “romantic” gesture. So you tell me: is this for real or is this for show? People Magazine – no surprise – is providing full details about how in love they truly are, with eyewitness reports of constant PDA and genuine devotion. Full Story
Jessica is traveling with him on tour, they’ve arrived in Australia, but not even a different continent can change John’s expression: dude still looks shamed by his own c*ck. I particularly like the one where she appears to be trying to tell him something. Again, not that you can ever reliably deduce anything from just one photo, but it looks to me like he’s in pain, as if to say: Holy f&ck you idiot, please don’t talk to me unless I’m pissing on you. Full Story
It’s been weeks, it’s so public, and still…John Mayer KNOWS. He knows his c*ck has led him astray. He knows his brain, his good sensibility, some say even his integrity – he knows it’s all been soiled by his libido. And so he skulks around sheepishly, wearing a smile that can only be described as embarrassed every time we see him dragging around his blonde fun-bags - this weekend after lunch in West Hollywood. Full Story
No...not in person. But definitely in spirit. Always in spirit. Already known to capitalise on “personal” photos of his children and shopping them to the tabloids, I’m also now hearing that Joe allegedly makes Jessica check in with him wherever she and John are headed. Shortly thereafter, photographers appear like magic. Full Story
Fans of John Mayer have been lamenting his love choice for weeks – how can he still stand for what he stood for with that bimbo on his tour bus? And although I understood the pain, not being a fan of his, I did not feel the pain. I did not feel that kind of pain until now - until Djimon Hounsou, the molten lava piece of loin quiveration known as Djimon Hounsou, started stepping out with Kimora Lee Simmons. Full Story
At the Sony/BMG afterparty. This is not a joke. These are not tampered photos. She really is sucking in that hard. She really is pushing out that much. She really does look like a man who wants to look like a woman looking for a man who believes she’s a woman. And John Mayer is apparently that man. Full Story