Best Oscar Porn: Johnny & Vanessa

February 26, 2008 07:11:00 Posted at February 26, 2008 07:11:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Hers was my favourite black dress – beautifully constructed, up close you could see the gathers, and the way it fit around her waist was amazing. It was the first time I’d seen them together… was well worth the wait.

Between Johnny and Vanessa, it’s not really porn like Pitt Porn - the kind of porn that causes a hush along a press line, or the kind of porn that makes evened seasoned journalists giddy – but rather a sweetness that affirms it is possible to find something authentic in a town that is for the most part so full of sh*t. Corny. Sorry. But true.

They had their hands clasped the entire time, almost always side by side. If anything it seems like she’s the one steadying him. They don’t speak much to each other, at least not openly. And it’s not in a bad way. It sounds corny again but it’s almost as though they’re communicating without anyone else hearing it – I say this because most of the time the expressions on their faces are exactly the same. And they don’t have to look at each other either to know exactly what to do next, when to stop, where to turn, without tension or pulling, relaxed body language and completely in sync. You can’t take your eyes off them, it’s completely mesmerising. Like the Pitts, only with the Pitts you’re standing there with your mouth open, drooling, and even a little hot and uncomfortable.

With the Depps, it’s just a big, goofy, hokey smile and a lot of “awwww”-ing. Cheesy, yes. But they are impossibly irresistible. And of course there’s some sexy in there too.

Like when they stopped at the photo wall directly behind us. The photogs were yelling at them to split up so they could shoot Vanessa alone in her dress. The couple was reluctant at first, and then with seemingly great difficulty, Vanessa stepped forward to pose. Johnny too obliged for a few shorts seconds before retreating behind his handler and ducking away from the cameras to watch and wait for Vanessa.

While he was watching, someone stopped to say a few words. He turned and a moment later, she wrapped up and went to rejoin him. As soon as she took her first step – and she was at least 10 steps from reaching him – he automatically knew to reach one hand behind and kept it there, stretched out, palms wide, waiting for her to clasp it.

So she came up from behind him and with her right hand caressed from his right hip, palm open across his ass, with pressure, and then tucked it into his left hand. He squeezed without missing a beat in his conversation.

These are the small things that make you weak inside, non?

Photos from

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