A Guest Post

June 26, 2007 00:00:00 Posted at June 26, 2007 00:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Am writing this from my Blackberry. Due to my absence today, I"ve asked my brilliant and talented friend Duana to guest write a piece.

Du is a screenwriter which means she"s a real writer - not some trashy chinese internet hack who babbles incessantly.

Thanks Du - love you!

So. Entertainment Weekly’s 100 Stars we love right now. In large part, EW gets it right – backing the things they should be, like Feist’s new album at #67, 30 Rock’s Jack McBrayer at #34, or the not-even-guilty-anymore pleasure that is Gordon Ramsey on Hell’s Kitchen at #47 (“It’s a boiled carrot, you donut!” is my new favourite insult)

But I must take issue with a few listings, as below.

#8 – Julia Roberts

Really? Honestly? What has she done for us lately? I know she still makes movies, sometimes, when she feels like it. But can you remember the last one you cared about? She has escaped (possibly quite purposely) into the life of a boring Smug Married with kids – and that’s fine.

But doesn’t that mean we don’t have to care anymore? Look at her contemporaries (in age and stature, not talent). Demi Moore dates a man half her age in a weird two-and-a-half person relationship and will have to deal with a drugged-out wannabe insecure starlet daughter any day now. Delicious! Cate Blanchett is dogged by rumours of eating disorders and devoured the role of a woman obsessed with a fifteen year old! Juicy! Even Brooke Shields, taupe by any other name, made waves when she discussed post-partum depression and stood up to the GMD – on Oprah. That’s got to count for something.

Julia goes on Oprah to discuss…how happy she is. Cute things her kids say.

She can still look gorgeous in a black dress and pull out the horse-teeth big laugh of abandon. But unless she starts dating Zac Efron and starts wearing crude message tees in public again – we are no longer required to care. Sorry, EW. Bring on Emma Roberts’ tears and trauma.

#12 – ‘Superbad’ Boys – Michael Cera and Jonah Hill

It’s hard to complain about this one. Cera and Hill are both amusing in a way that’s fresh and different, and swear that their movie Superbad, out August 17, will be funny. Plus they have that look about them that says ‘It’s okay. I’m slightly funny-looking, you don’t have to pretend you don’t notice’.

My issue here comes with what EW left out. In addition to being charmingly awkward and from my hometown, Michael Cera’s greatest achievement to date has to be “Clark and Michael”, (seriously, www.clarkandmichael.com) an absolutely hilarious web series involving Michael and his friend Clark trying to get their movie made. Not only is the show funny, dry and heartbreakingly embarrassing to watch – Michael Cera is 19. Years. Old. Who gets that self-aware that early? After having been on a hit series? Whither ego?

Meanwhile, Jonah Hill looks like that guy you’ve seen in the movies doing funny things like acquiring flatulence-induced pinkeye. But the best part of his story is how he used a random connection with Dustin Hoffman NOT to work with Hoffman – but to bust his ass to meet Judd Apatow. Why didn’t we get to hear about that?

EW danced around it – but didn’t get to the point. Be smart. Know what you want to do. Do it even if a million people aren’t watching quite yet. This is how you do young Hollywood if you actually want to be in young Hollywood – possibly until you’re old.

Or am I wrong? Should we keep quiet about the cute and clever unless the cute is pouring out of the top of it’s chicken-cutletted Victoria’s Secret?

#82 – Kazakh Attack Dog, by Borat Sagdiyev

Make no mistake – I love Borat. Dragged my boss out of the office early on release day last year so we could see it first, and don’t regret it for a second.

But this is a book version, due out in November, and again I have to ask – really? So we can…imagine Borat saying “Is Nice” for the 74 times that it will invariably be in the book? They’ll….print the picture of Borat in his banana hammock on every other page, just to remind you that he’s funny?

Isn’t the whole point of Borat not the rhyming off of how his sister is the No. 4 prostitute in all of Kazakhstan (I’m sure all of us have someone in the office who’s only too happy to show off his expertise in repeating that sequence by rote) but looking at his shining face, happy and unaware as he invites a stadium of people to massacre him?

It just won’t work in print. Don’t believe me? Read any print interview where ‘Borat’ is interviewed. Nothing new, right? Even though EW puts this fairly low on their roster, I think they’re wrong. You can’t take the Borat out of Borat.

#99 – Ginnifer Goodwin

Doesn’t that say it all? #99. Barely made the list. Because, as her EW blurb makes plain, Ginnifer Goodwin is forever The Outshined.

And what’s worse – she’s The Outshined professionally. Johnny Cash’s first wife in ‘Walk The Line’? A role that is designed to be outshined. Margene on ‘Big Love’? Perpetually outshined, not only by more prevalent wives Barb and Nicki – but by Jeanne Tripplehorn and Chloe Sevigny, who are infinitely more compelling to watch.

She’s even outshined in the EW article – which isn’t about her acting or her projects – but her wardrobe. Sad!

Of course, there is a school of thought that says Gin brought this on herself. Because of course, she’s dating Chris Klein. Whose claim to fame is that he dated Katie Holmes. Before. Before before. Ginnifer Goodwin is consistently outshined by the ghost of the old girlfriend, not least because she looks waaaay too much like her. Before. Which has happened to the best of us - but it’s not something I’d make a career out of.

Is #99 worse than being left off altogether?

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